Incredible

in·cred·i·ble

Pronunciation: \(ˌ)in-ˈkre-də-bəl\

1 : too extraordinary and improbable to be believed

2 : Amazing, Extraordinary (incredible skill) (incredible appetite) (incredible woman)

When I first pondered this word a few weeks ago I suspected it may have derived from the root "cred," as in "Lil Wayne and Slim Thug have ascertained street cred with their new tune turn my swag on." Many of us are familiar with the other form that means the same thing: "credible."

It was not a far jump to assume that something described as incredible would simply be not credible.

• cred
• credit: cred
  
• credible: having cred
• incredible: not having cred
  

After all the in added to the beginning of a word often changes its meaning to the opposite:

• visible/invisible
  
• valid/invalid
  
• consistent/inconsistent

Perhaps "inconsistent" comes to mind because I suspect the word "incredible" is inconsistent with the remainder of the English language.

Let's look deeper at the word "credible." (It turns out it's a little more specific than "cred"):

1 : offering reasonable grounds for being believed

The key word is "reason." If something is credible it is always reasonable to believe. Now, what is considered "reasonable" varies from one person to the next, but regardless, one might logically surmise that something incredible is always unreasonable to believe. This is not the case, as we can all agree that:

• Widgets in cans of Guinness infuse the malt beverage with nitrogen when opened...both incredible and reasonable to believe.
  
• We all live on a large sphere that orbits an even larger ball of fusion...both incredible and reasonable.
  
• This essay might be read by any one of billions across the world immediately after posting...incredible and reasonable.
  

As I have just proved, what is incredible can also be reasonable. Yes, as reasonable as something that is credible. We, the human race, have forsaken the antonym of the word credible altogether. I might describe this as "amazing" or "extraordinary," but I would never dare defile my native tongue by calling this incredible, since, as I hath shewn, it is nothing of the sort...it is completely, unequivocally, credible.

Therefore, a word that indicates something has absolutely no credit really does not exist.

• Uncredible? Not a word.
  
• Creditless? Nope.
• Credifaux? No.
  

I find this ironic, as roughly 80 percent of communication falls into this category, and constitutes 100 percent of content originating from the Internet and mass media. It's almost as if the world's collective marketing forces, and all communities dependent on deception, lobbied Webster to ensure "incredible" was not, in any way, available for use as a word opposite from credible...that would be way too easy to use.

The global assault on the word "incredible" is a conspiracy of vast proportions. It's goal is to discredit all words that can be used to describe the opposite of what is true, reasonable, and correct, in order to make all falsehoods increasingly believable...not based on merit, but on the grounds that nobody knows the right word to describe them. The goal is the eventual destruction of all such words, so that reality itself is not subject to anything "false" or "erroneous," but so all things popular enough to be spoken of can only be described as being true and correct.

On their agenda:

• "Unbelievable" shall be interpreted as that which can likely be believed.
  
• "Undeniable" shall be interpreted as that which is probably deniable.
• "incorruptible" shall be interpreted as that which can probably be corrupted.
  

The eventual goal, of course, is to reverse these terms entirely so they are all out possible, as they have already done with incredible:

• "unbelievable" - that which is entirely believable.
  
• "undeniable" - that which is entirely deniable.
• "incorruptible" - that which can definitely be corrupted.
  

Our masters have already succeeded in many other cases:

• "stimulus" - (pertaining to economies) that which depresses.
  
• "reinvestment" - (pertaining to communities) that which divests.
• "reserve" - (pertaining to the federal) that which emits.
  

Backed into a corner, we have been forced to contrive a colloquial term meaning the opposite of credible...one resilient to the abuses of the establishment. There is only one such example, which has been a rampart for the cause, and which I now submit:

bullshit

This word has stood up to the firestorm of cultural destruction with grace and aplomb, foiling all attempts to suppress it, which has no doubt been tried in many a back room...

"Mr. President, our product has been compared to bullshit. This is not positive for our image, and therefore, something must be done. Our technicians are in the fields now collecting samples from a local herd. Count on us, sir. Before long, every product will be honored to be described as "bullshit." We are confident that within a few short months, consumers will be up to their eyebrows in bullshit and loving every minute of it."

While those mighty stewards of civilization may be able to surgically and graciously relieve us of our wealth by redefining words, there is only so much a people can tolerate. Yes, they may be able to get away with the plunder of our labor, time, and resources. They may be able to convince us that we need to pay their bonuses and support their decisions until they have changed the meaning of every word in the English language.

But, there is a wall that cannot be penetrated. There is one last bastion of truth that can be counted on when every last shred of credibility has been removed from society. When all language has been redefined and all our prosperity has been plundered and wasted, there is one stall wort resource that cannot be polished, spun, or repackaged. It all comes to a head when...

those wizards sit down in front of an actual piece of manure...

when that global committee congregates around a long table staring at that large, steaming pile of cow shit, rubbing their chins...

they will only have one word to describe it...

incredible