The Trip to Rome

Stop if you've heard this one, but it's one of my favorites, and the closest thing I have to an Easter joke...

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.

So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their food is bad, and they're always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."

"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful.

And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."

"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get that lousy haircut?

Ed, You are Soooooo Wrong

First of all, I want to thank you for graciously towing me too and from the bar tonight. It just goes to show even the most misguided and obtuse among us still retains some rudimentary sense of civil responsibility to our fellow man. Even though you were also towed, and it wasn't your car. Actually, Ed, Kathy drove both ways, so never mind that.

On the subject of gratuitous baby killing. I am opposed, as we discussed. I respect your opinions, and see where you think baby torture leading to slaughter and animal feed might be necessary, but I think we will just have to agree to disagree on that one. I think we might be able to find a mid-ground on other subjects.

As far as the other issues, I was pretty drunk and forgot what they were, but, rest assured, you are soooooo wrong. So wrong! And, now that I have made an example of you to the rest of the world, my work is done.

Do they really fear me, or justice itself? I hope they fear me. They should, since I make the justice. Well, since I make justice, I guess they have no choice. But, that doesn't matter. All you need to remember is that, whatever it was, you are very, very wrong and you should have lashings administered immediately, or something.

mmm