Pumpkinland

It was harvest time and all the inhabitants of Pumpkinville rejoiced, for the pumpkin harvest was plentiful. These were not ordinary pumpkins, but giant pumpkins, the kind used for carriages. You could easily hollow one out and drive a couple axles through the thick orange rind, attach to a horse, and travel to the farthest reaches of Pumpkinland. Some folks would just cut a door in the side and live in them. They were very versatile.

But, this year there was a problem.

It just so happens that this year everybody in Pumpkinland already had all of the pumpkins they needed. This was a very distressing situation, for Pumpkinville had always counted on a need for more pumpkins. No one knew what to do. The farmers needed to sell their current pumpkins to afford labor to grow next year's pumpkins. And, they needed to remove all of the pumpkins from their storehouses to make room for next year's pumpkin storage. So, the hard working pumpkin farmers got together and tried to find out how to sell their pumpkins.

First, they tried painting the pumpkins gold, so they were really shiny. That didn't help. People still liked their orange pumpkins.

Then, they told everyone the new pumpkins were magical. Pumpkinlandians were bemused. It didn't work.

They really needed to move the pumpkins fast, but they didn't want to give them away. So, they gave away the pumpkins for free, and then collected the money later in increments. This worked for a while, but then people stopped paying. With so many pumpkins everywhere, it was easy to find a good used one.

Finally, when the pumpkin farmers began struggling to earn a living, they lowered their prices. Each tried to offer a lower price than his neighbor. And still, no one in Pumpkinland was interested. Then, one particular pumpkin farmer, named Otis, had an idea.

Otis had saved up quite a bit of money over the years. No one else knew...he never talked about his finances. It just so happened that Otis did not waste any money painting his pumpkins gold or pretending they were magical. He certainly didn't give his pumpkins away expecting buyers to pay him later. He asked questions like "if people don't need an orange pumpkin, why would they buy a gold pumpkin?" As everyone else was painting, Otis was sitting on his porch smoking his pipe. He was heartily ridiculed for his apparent laziness, but didn't seem to care. He had prepared for a slow pumpkin market, and the commotion confused him. Otis didn't act when he was confused. This made him a rather boring character.

Boring as he was, Otis was a loyal and honorable pumpkin farmer. It broke his heart to watch his fellow farmers struggle and he wanted to help in any way he could. So, when his neighbor offered him a pumpkin for a fraction of the usual cost, he simply couldn't refuse the offer. He knew it was more than anyone else would pay for it, and he did not need it, but decided he could resell it later when folks needed pumpkins again. These pumpkins were very resistant to spoilage. Then, he purchased his neighbor's neighbor's pumpkins. Before long, all the pumpkin farmers in Pumpkinland rushed to Otis' house to sell their pumpkins. They simply needed to put food on the table. By the end of the season, Otis owned all of the extra pumpkins in Pumpkinland. But, it wasn't only the pumpkin farmers who were struggling.

Half of everyone in Pumpkinville worked in the pumpkin fields. The other half worked in the turnip fields, as Pumpkinlandians ate nothing but turnips. With no pumpkin sales, the turnip farmers were selling less turnips. The pumpkin farmers decreased their spending to subsistence levels. They simply couldn't afford as many turnips as before, and needed to last through the winter.

So, everybody in Pumpkinland tried to figure out how to help both the turnip farmers and the pumpkin farmers.

The turnip farmers elected a representative to speak on their behalf. His name was Terrence. One cold day, Terrence and Otis scheduled a meeting in the great pumpkin, where the matter would be resolved. After a long debate, Otis, who had considerably more wealth than anyone imagined, offered to purchase all of the pumpkin fields so that the pumpkin farmers would have enough money to pay for turnips. He decided he would hire the pumpkin farmers to work the fields for him next spring. The pumpkin farmers agreed to sell their fields, and were paid handsomely. They earned enough to afford turnips for the rest of the winter.

The next growing season was much like the previous. Otis hired all of the pumpkin farmers to cultivate his fields and grow pumpkins as they always had in the past. These were the finest pumpkin farmers in all the land and were very proud of their pumpkin growing abilities. At the same time, the turnip farmers continued to grow their turnips, as sales held steady. Otis paid the pumpkin farmers enough so that they could afford turnips through the growing season, and all was well.

Then, that fall, the pumpkin harvest was the largest in Pumpkinland history. The pumpkins were large, sturdy, and plentiful. But, there was a problem. Everyone in Pumpkinland still had all of the pumpkins they needed. Otis could not sell a single pumpkin!

Otis was terrified. He had spent vast sums of his fortune to ensure his fellow pumpkin farmers had jobs and could afford turnips. He expected pumpkin sales to explode this year, as turnip farmers had gone two whole years without purchasing a single new pumpkin. Suddenly, he was on the brink of bankruptcy. He was running low on money to pay his pumpkin farmers. Otis and Terrence met on another cold day in the great pumpkin to try to resolve the matter.

After much debate, it was decided that the turnip farmers simply must give a portion of their turnips to the pumpkin farmers. Otis suggested this solution, as he could not afford to pay them himself. In return, Otis agreed to submit a portion of his land to the turnip farmers for the next growing season.

The turnip farmers were outraged. They were already hungry, and insisted that they could not afford to give away their turnips. The turnip farmers held protests demanding that many more of the pumpkin fields be converted to turnip fields. And, they offered a high price to pumpkin farmers who would cultivate the newly acquired turnip fields. After all, everybody needed more turnips, and nobody needed any more pumpkins. Terrence assured them that Otis had done all that he can.

Fearing their wages would be lowered, the pumpkin farmers formulated a citizen's group, called the Pumpkin Farmers Organization (PFO) to ensure fair wages from Otis for their skills. They all agreed to strike if Otis paid them less than the previous year.

So, another meeting took place in the great pumpkin, this time with Otis, Terrence, and the Chairman of the PFO. Otis and the Chairman insisted that their farmers continue to get paid for their hard work so they could afford turnips. After all, they already knew how to farm pumpkins, and many had never even seen a turnip. Otis certainly knew nothing about turnips other than how tasty they were. The rational was that Pumpkinlandiands would need carriages at some point in the future, and the free turnips would only be required for a short while.

Otis made a long appeal to the public on behalf of the PFO, insisting that his pumpkin farmers absolutely must keep their well-paying jobs even though no one currently needs any pumpkins. He used what remained of his fortune to conduct plays demonstrating how delightful and friendly the pumpkin farmers were, and their families. He introduced the turnip farmers to destitute, hungry pumpkin farmers to gain their sympathy. And, indeed, the turnip farmers were very sympathetic. They saw that pumpkin farmers were not just machines, but real people struggling to make ends meet. But, even as all of the turnip farmers became sympathetic with all of the pumpkin farmers, they still didn't need any carriages. It was a conundrum. Nobody knew what to do.

Nonetheless, the turnip farmers felt for the pumpkin farmers, and decided to give them all of their extra turnips for free. They figured people would need pumpkins eventually. The PFO drafted a very considerate thank you note and delivered it to Terrence.

Another winter came, and the pumpkin farmers lived off of the free turnips through the long cold months.

The next spring, all the people of Pumpkinland went back to work as usual. They worked through the summer, and finally, the next record crop of pumpkins was harvested. To the shock and dismay of Otis, the PFO, and all the pumpkin farmers, none of the previous two year's pumpkins had been sold, and this year's pumpkin harvest was the most plentiful ever! Now, Otis had three times as many pumpkins to sell as ever before, and still, nobody cared to buy any pumpkins.

But, by now the turnip farmers actually needed the pumpkins. Many had fallen into disrepair, and others were on the verge of collapsing. In fact, many turnip farmers were farming without pumpkin ploughs simply because they could not afford a new pumpkin...they had already given all of their extra turnips away to the pumpkin farmers...even the ones from the extra fields Otis had given them. By now some even planted, hoed, and harvested with their bare hands.

This autumn, the pumpkin farmers were more outraged than ever and assembled the PFO to appeal to the turnip farmers again: "You need to support the friendly pumpkin farmers. We need your help desperately." After all, the pumpkin farmers were now receiving hardly any turnips from the turnip farmers because there was no longer a surplus. Without pumpkins, the turnip farmers simply could not afford to grow enough turnips to afford a new pumpkin plough. It was a vicious cycle. By now, even if they combined all of their extra turnips, not one pumpkin carriage could be purchased.

These were desperate times, and one cold day Terrence approached Otis...

"Sir, I am afraid the turnip farmers have only one turnip to spare, and this turnip must last us a very long time. I will trade you this turnip for all of your pumpkins and all of your pumpkin fields. In return, the turnip farmers have agreed to hire all of your pumpkin farmers on credit and teach them to farm turnips. They will be paid fairly at the next harvest, which will yield enough turnips for everyone in Pumpkinland. But, all I have is this one turnip to offer. If you do not take this offer, I fear your workers will starve."

Otis looked at the lonely turnip. He was desperate to sell his extra pumpkins for a reasonable price, but knew this one turnip was his only option. It was only a token, as he knew that he had made very poor business decisions. As difficult as it would have been, he should have converted half or all of his land to turnip fields and retrained his farmers to grow turnips. He knew the risks when he made his purchases. Conscious of his actions, he accepted responsibility, and agreed to give away his pumpkins and fields for the survival of Pumpkinland. Terrence and Otis shook hands and all of the turnip farmers and their families arrived with contracts to secure their portions of the former pumpkin fields. At last, it appeared as thought Pumpkinland would be saved.

But, the PFO was a pumpkin farming organization, not a turnip farming organization. Relying on the PFO for turnips, many pumpkin farmers were far more loyal to it than Terrence, who many believed had taken some of their land and given them meager rations. They knew the turnip farmers would offer a far lower wage than Otis did. As the contracts were about to be signed, the PFO invaded the great pumpkin with signs and banners. The Chairman approached Terrence...

"These are the best pumpkins in all of Pumpkinland! They were farmed and prepared by the most skilled hands! We are outraged by your preposterous agreements and refuse to acknowledge them. However, we will make you a far better offer. The PFO agrees to trade you half of its pumpkins for all of your turnip fields. This way, your workers will have pumpkins for farming, and will be able to produce more turnips."

Terrence and Otis looked at each other. They were both confused and surprised. By this point there was no doubt that all of Pumkinland depended on these crucial voluntary agreements between Otis and the turnip farmers. Besides, these pumpkins were not the property of the PFO...they were Otis'. The pumpkin farmers had relinquished ownership when they sold to Otis in the first place, which they didn't seem to remember. Otis had assumed the risk, and having failed, he knew the land simply must be sold to the growers who were needed for the good of all Pumpkinlandians, but especially the ones who were starving. Even one turnip was far more valuable than the entire pumpkin farming portion of the countryside. He knew he was lucky to get one turnip out of the deal. Besides, everyone knew there were enough pumpkins for the next three years at the very least. Terrence responded...

"I'm sorry, but I do not own all the fields, they are owned by the turnip farmers themselves. I am only an elected representative. You must take your offer directly to them."

The PFO asked Otis to approach each turnip farmer individually before signing the contracts...he reluctantly agreed. Terrance gave Otis and the PFO three days to present their offer before the contracts were signed and the land was delivered to the turnip farmers.

So, Otis approached every turnip farm and offered to buy their land in exchange for a pumpkin. But, the turnip farmers depended on their land for survival, and could not afford to sell at any price, even if they were required to farm without pumpkins. The turnip farmers simply asked for free pumpkins in order to produce more turnips, promising to pay later, which would have been agreeable to Otis under these circumstances, not the PFO.

The founders of the PFO knew the offers would be refused. It was a decoy. As Otis was traveling from farm to farm, the PFO occupied and secured all of Otis' pumpkins. They would not allow Otis to sell for less than the previous market rate. When Otis finally returned, he was very angry. His pumpkins had essentially been stolen. Most disturbingly, he knew that his pumpkins were worthless unless they were in the turnip farmers' hands.

Otis wasn't beaten yet. He was really a shrewd businessman and felt very guilty for his uncharacteristically poor decisions. He knew he might yet be able to save Pumpkinland yet. He traveled from farm to farm hoping that just one turnip farmer had saved enough to purchase some of his pumpkins at the agreed upon PFO rate. Maybe such a turnip farmer could persuade his neighbors to sell their fields. Such a farmer could maybe start a turnip business just like his pumpkin business. Unfortunately, to Otis' great disappointment, not one turnip farmer had any money left. The wealthy turnip farmers had already shared their wealth with their neighbors who were struggling. Since all of their turnips had already been given to the pumpkin farmers, not one wealthy turnip farmer remained. There were certainly none wealthy enough to afford to purchase fields and pay employees.

The transfer of land and pumpkins from Otis for their one turnip was indeed their only hope. But, Otis' business had been hijacked by the PFO.

Meanwhile, the pumpkin farmers were starving. They became very angry that the turnip farmers were not giving them more turnips. The chairman of the PFO met with Otis in the great pumpkin again and demanded that Otis continue to pay all the pumpkin farmers for their hard work. Otis was simply broke, and could not afford to pay his farmers. He explained that the turnip farmers were also broke, and could barely afford to provide for their own families with their arduous manual labor. The turnip farmers spent their days covered in dirt, desperate to extract every last turnip from the earth. The PFO ransacked Otis' house, discovering that he had indeed spent his entire fortune paying the pumpkin farmers.

This angered the starving pumpkin farmers who just wanted to go back to farming pumpkins as they always had. Completely unfamiliar with turnips, they saw no choice but to convert their crop to battle pumpkins! The poor turnip farmers were very distraught. They had no way of creating more turnips without those precious pumpkins, yet, they were now being used for intimidation. If only the PFO was reasonable and understood how many turnips could be harvested with those pumpkins as Otis did! All turnip farmers would gladly teach the pumpkin farmers to farm turnips. Instead, they could only watch as the large, round war machines appeared on a hill above the turnip fields. This frightened the starving turnip farmers who were completely defenseless, with no battle pumpkins at all.

In desperation, Otis and Terrence met one final time in the great pumpkin. The turnip farmers wanted desperately to produce more turnips, and only needed access to pumpkins on credit. The pumpkin farmers wanted desperately to exchange pumpkins to the turnip farmers for any number of turnips up front. But, there were simply no extra turnips...not even one. Most disturbingly, the PFO suspected the turnip farmers had organized secretly and were hoarding turnips. After all, if the pumpkin farmers had not organized previously, they figured they would be starving to death by now. They couldn't have known that Otis would have quietly given away some of his pumpkins to remedy all of this, or transferred land and resources rightfully. Additionally, the PFO members didn't realize how hard the turnip farmers were struggling to survive. They certainly did not trust the turnip farmers enough to give away any of their precious pumpkins...it was all they had left.

Also, Otis explained that the PFO was afraid that the turnip farmers would convert them to their own battle pumpkins. Terrence knew this was ridiculous. No turnip farmer had a warlike bone in their body. Nonetheless, the PFO, aiming to protect the pumpkin farmers' valuable common interests, would not permit Otis to give away a single pumpkin. They were at a stalemate.

With no resolution from the meeting. Some of the fearful and hungry pumpkin farmers assembled the ranks of the PFO and began seizing turnip fields. Paranoid, they decided they needed more battle pumpkins for defense.

"No, no, no!" yelled the starving citizens of Pumpkinland. "We need more turnips, not pumpkins." Even most of the pumpkin farmers agreed. Still, without a turnip or pumpkin representative willing to face the mighty PFO, the supply began to run out completely as great swaths of turnip fields were occupied by the fearsome pumpkin farmers under strict orders from the PFO.

Finally, when the PFO had converted the last of the turnip fields to pumpkin fields, there were many battle pumpkins but no food for anyone, and every last citizen of Pumpkinland starved to death. The end.

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Alternative ending:
Otis delivered a speech and all of the pumpkin farmers in the PFO came to their senses and recognized the futility of clinging to Otis' worthless pumpkins and pumpkin fields. They recognized that their fear and paranoia was the result of stubbornness and ignorance, and certainly not worth placing anyone in danger of starvation. They returned all of the land they had stolen back to Otis, who sold it to the turnip farmers for the price of one turnip, as they had previously agreed. The pumpkin farmers took jobs in the turnip fields, trusting the turnip farmers to pay them a portion of their produce. They used their income from turnip farming to eventually purchase their own land once again. Then, many years into the future, when the time was right, pumpkins were again needed and entrepreneurs willing to risk a return to the pumpkin business were rewarded for their efforts with plentiful sales. For as long as pumpkin farmers were conscientious enough to acknowledge the difficult facts regarding the pumpkin and turnip business, no pumpkin in all of Pumpkinland was ever converted to a battle pumpkin.