So Sue Me

Some of us are inspired by love, charity, goodwill. I am inspired by, well, money. Lots of it...

It's the bills. I like the way they smell, feel, taste, burn...they give my fat Cuban cigar a distinctive first draw. Expensive, perishable stuff is cool too. I actually only like Cuban cigars because they happen to be more expensive. And, they are far more tasty than a roll of $100 bills. 50s? Even worse...

However, I mostly like the way US currency looks. Whoever designed those bills did an excellent job. I like to pin Benjamins up on my walls, ceiling, windows. I like to affix them to my large bathroom mirror so when I shave my head is framed by sweet cash. That disheveled green bonnet puts a smile on my face every morning.

What?! They are beautiful to me. I earned them, every one. They are mine, damnit! Sure, inflation is making them less valuable every day. If they weren't so damned pretty I'd be collecting interest...even more goodness! But, the bank won't accept my living room as a "vault" so I can't technically "invest" them. I'm like, "hey you can come take a look...they're not going anywhere. They are safe on my super secret estate." The bank says no deal. Oh well. Here they sit, my lovelies. Each one is special. Far too spectacular to be stacked in some metal coffin somewhere.

I actually couldn't care less. You like Picasso? Go ahead...buy your silly painting. It will cost you half as much as the marvel of stunning emerald goodness pinned up on my walls. You find abstraction beautiful, I happen to be delighted by the sight of cold, hard cash. Maybe I love it because it seems real. Maybe I dig reality. Whatever, it's really just totally tits to have money hung up everywhere...Go ahead, sue me.