Wake Up!

Well, that mysterious bonus hour from last fall has come back to bite us. The pain of time stings extra hard one day out of the year, and this is that day...an hour shaved from a precious weekend.

In all fairness, couldn't our time bandits have added one hour during a weekend, and then taken one hour off a Monday? For all the trouble it seems like they could have at least given us that.

But, maybe I'm missing the point. I know the original idea was proposed by Benjamin Franklin as a way for the people to save energy in a world powered by expensive lamp oil derived painstakingly from whales. So, if I'm getting this right, was he suggesting time itself conform to our needs rather than the other way around? Sounds like a thoughtful and brave proposition. Are you suggesting we place more light, less need for oil, and therefore, more prosperity and independence in the hands of everyone?

This sounds like a trap. And it's spoken by a diplomat. Aha! I see the problem Mr. Franklin...Are you suggesting we deprive the whalers and oil merchants of their earnings?

How dare you sabotage our bustling economy Mr. Franklin! What about the hard working whalers? What about the shop keeper trying to sell lamp oil. What will happen to them? May the cries of their starving children echo in your skull Mr. Franklin.

Now that we've easily dispatched that fallacy, let's look at a real solution...If you want to do some good, I suggest a simpler change...One that will charge the economy with a flood of wealth and activity. One without the need for any sort of biannual incremental shift. One so elegant in design and application that, after moments of thought, its merits are without question.

Simply switch AM and PM.

In such a world lanterns would burn throughout the night, every night! Thousands more would flock to the lucrative whaling business. Jobs would be plentiful as workers were hired to transport, store, and sell the much needed liquid gold. All who desired would share in the great demand...the overwhelming opportunities of a new renaissance!

As the sun set you would awaken to a bustle of activity with horses and carriages marching down the well-lit street with rows of lanterns ablaze on either side. Ordinances would be passed so all public buildings met the luminosity threshold throughout the dark hours.

An annual "Festival of Light" would be required in every town featuring giant flaming statues. Rivers, topped upstream with surplus fuel, would flow ablaze in the much anticipated conclusion to the ceremonies.

As the first hints of dawn approached on the horizon the curtains would be drawn and all the children would be tucked in for the daily winter's nap.

But, alas, the colonists were deprived of such an opportunity. Such prosperity was forsaken for the small reward of working during the same set of hours instead of the others...for the small advantage of some extra light from this glowing orb. They submitted to the ubiquitous golden monopoly in the sky at everyone's expense.

Shame on them and shame on us for blindly perpetuating these antiquated traditions. Those of us who "see the dark" understand that daylight is our perpetual nemesis. I hold my fist high and shake it at you, the day trader, The Sun magazine, DAY CARE! Yes, they even neglect the children.

Perhaps one day the thoughtless resistance of a simple, trivial change will not get in the way of unprecedented prosperity for every American. Perhaps one day we will hold our torches high and praise the great leader who brought the blessings of night to the doorstep of every man, woman, and child in this great country.

Until then I will awaken at dusk, strike a match, and light my lantern in ceremonial reverence for the opponents of Mr. Franklin and his ilk. I will curse this "Daylight Savings Time" for its short-sightedness and hope that one day we can conquer public perception and become noble creatures of the night.

When you peer out your window in the wee hours to see the rivers ablaze do not be afraid. It simply means the well-meaning people of the world have conquered ignorance and the era of prosperity has begun.