Sunday, October 28, 2007

Billy Bob

Billy Bob was an annoying and unpopular individual. He was a police officer and routinely wrote tickets for crimes such as long grass and parking in the street for more than three consecutive days. In our small town we didn't have much of a speeding problem - Billy Bob never ignored any violation to any degree, and would pull you over for a speed infraction of 1 mph. He never showed much emotion. Many figured he liked the power of the badge. He would justify it by saying stuff like "if you don't like the law don't blame me, blame the folks who passed it."

Other factors contributed to his unsavory reputation. Billy Bob never told a lie and opened his mouth perhaps more often than necessary. His shameless dedication to the truth was often inappropriate and embarrassing. When invited to dinner he would point out things like "ya know, this steak is unfit for consumption under 150 degrees according to the FDA. Do you happen to have a thermometer handy?" Billy Bob was very unpopular indeed. In fact, it's safe to say he was intensely disliked by everyone he had ever met.

Everyone accused Billy Bob of secretly enjoying his "power trip" as he pulled cars over all day and distributed citations for trivial code violations. One man, Mr. Dibble, went so far as to publicly ostracize him at the city council meeting. The transcript went something like this:

Mr. Dibble: "Billy Bob is an absolute menace to everyone in town. How dare he bully us around like this! I've had six frivolous violations in the last week. Sure I'm guilty of having long grass but if there isn't anything better for him to do he should be fired!"
Mayor: "He even gave ME a speeding ticket for going 2 over. What a rat bastard!"
Everyone: "Let's lynch Billy Bob!"
Billy Bob: "You are all idiots."

Billy Bob was subsequently beaten by the angry mob, dragged outside and hanged.

4 comments:

Barmy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Barmy said...

Poor Billy Bob, although incredibly annoying, was just a scapegoat. :-)

Mark said...

And now for a limerick:

Poor Billy was misunderstood
He followed the law as he should
The neighbors revolted
The man was scapegoated
And everyone thought it was good until the mayor started stoking crematoriums.

Barmy said...

love the limmerick. it is perfect.