My vacation down south

I haven't posted in a while.

Been in hell waiting for you.

You never showed!

Should have, it was nice. I roasted marshmallows, floated down rivers of liquid hot magma, and even tried my hand at chaining myself to large stones and dragging them uphill. I got some silly looks, the same looks I got when I asked for extra fortune cookies in a small Chinese village. Apparently they don't do much of that anymore. Nonetheless, I was strangely comfortable there, basking in the pleasant toasty air. I rather enjoyed the flames, which circled around me. They tickled a bit.

The natives were friendly. There was no screaming or burning of flesh. I didn't see any agony at all in the whole place. The servants wore nice clothes and had a nice suite prepared for me, such fine cuisine, and I really wasn't sure sure whether to be delighted or insulted. They carried me everywhere on a chair they held on their shoulders. Hell was really a perfect fit for me. It so happens demons are excellent hosts, and they happily accommodated my every wish throughout my stay. Apparently all visitors get VIP service, but I got extra special top secret VIP service.

Aromatherapy, massages, turn down service. They even manually buttered my butter dish and de-crumbed my place setting before dessert. I had a team of attendants. After my Roman bath I was told I was welcome to stay. I asked for how long, and they said eternity. Imagine that! I was asked to sign on the dotted line. I thought about it...

Then, I thought about all the work that wasn't getting done back up top. I thought about you, the hard ground beneath my feet, the regular food, the perpetual inconveniences. I signed my first name, but paused. There were other things...things left unfinished. I stopped signing and took a rain check. My companions bristled, but allowed me to leave: "whatever you say, chief," they said.

I have an open invite to return any time. Let's take a tour sometime.