The Conformist

"I'm sorry, but you must pick one line or the other. There are only two."

"I don't like either."

"Well, you must be one of the two. No one has ever not joined one of the two lines. Pick one. Conformist or radical. Hurry up, there are others waiting."

"I came to join the conformists like everyone else, but now I'm not sure. Look at them, thousands, all dressed exactly alike."

"Yes, and you are dressed exactly like them. Stop wasting my time. Here's your ticket. End of the line."

"Not just yet. How can I know I am ready? Yes, I'm wearing their clothes, but all these folks walk alike, talk alike, and even have the same haircut. How can I be certain I'm a good fit? They look so incredibly good at, well, conforming..."

"Not to worry, you have been conditioned to conform. They were once as you are now, and I suspect that very soon you will be indistinguishable from them. Look at all you have in common. You have read all the same books in school, you watch the same YouTube videos and movies, you cheer for the same sports teams, well, different actual teams, but nonetheless, you are an excellent candidate for conformity. I can tell."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I have been prepared for this...all my life. The conformist line does look very attractive and orderly. Everyone seems very agreeable."

"Yes, very stylish indeed, with many significant advantages. A good conformist will never be mocked, ridiculed, or ostracized. He will be able to enjoy a lifestyle joining the communal laughter directed at the smaller line of radicals that exist entirely for his amusement. This, along with his greater number of conformist companions, will sufficiently reinforce an illusion of superiority, and continue to do so convincingly until his death. It's really the better choice for you."

"Sounds like a pretty good deal. I enjoy being included and partaking in laughter at another's expense. I also prefer feeling superior to others rather than inferior. "

"Perfect fit then. Few worries, safe, neat, predictable."

"Hm, conforming, as if into a single organism. Does it have other advantages?"

"Certainly, conforming is a good way to avoid the anxiety and fear of rejection. You are also less accountable for your actions."

"Yes, I am already sensing the temptation to dismiss the possibility I could achieve more for myself any other way, and could certainly achieve much less as a crazy radical. I could blame other conformists and radicals for my faults and take all the credit for whatever successes I am able to rip-off from the radicals."

"Correctamundo! See, you've really got this conformist thing figured out already. You have almost nothing to lose and everything to gain. Look at all those silly radicals tap dancing and juggling and making fools of themselves. HA!"

"Almost nothing?"

"Well, there is one, minuscule advantage to stepping in line with the radicals, but it's hardly worth mentioning."

"Oooh, tell me, what is it?!"

"My my, your curiosity is not becoming for a budding conformist, which relates to that tiny incentive."

"Tell me, please, I am curious."

"As a radical, you are allowed to be curious and have new ideas, that's all."

"But something like that can't be stopped, can it? What if I first become a conformist and then have a new idea?"

"That's never happened. Conformists conform. They do not have new ideas."

"Never?"

"Never ever. The best conformists are excellent at conforming, and all conformists toil to conform the best. New ideas are always and forever the conformist's enemy, particularly good ones."

"Really? Do conformists ever think for themselves?"

"Yes, they find new and better ways to conform and cling to whatever is popular at the time. They never use new ideas in their race to the center, just old ones that the other conformists have long forgotten. It's a chess game with the same old pieces, and everyone's there to knock everyone else off the board, all the way to the unenviable radical line. They do this through perception, as fear of being perceived as a non-conformist is more than sufficient to adopt/reject any concept. Actual thinking is reserved for the radicals."

"So, are you saying I need to join the freaks just to think for myself and benefit from my own ideas?"

"That's right, of course. If truth is what you seek you have already drifted far from the conformists, and are way behind. They have different ways of operating that free them from many of the harsh burdens of reality."

"Free from what? What are these burdens of reality?"

"You know, things that may be true, but subtract from the incentive of conforming. You can't expect a conformist to acknowledge the value of something different."

"Well, even the most ardent conformist is still susceptible to empirical evidence, right?"

"Not at all. The conformist looks at the evidence for exactly two seconds. If the truth is not unquestionably obvious in that time, he does not worry about any other conformist seeing the truth either, and the evidence is deemed false and crazy. If he does see that the evidence obviously reveals a previously unknown truth in two seconds, this is still not good enough. He also must believe that most other conformists will be unable to deny its blatantly obvious nature without risks to reputation. The senior conformists are most impervious to truth and only observe the evidence for one second. If they do not believe, in one second, that the truth is absolutely undeniable to all other senior conformists, the truth is dismissed wholly. Yet, even if the evidence is undeniable to all in one second, the senior conformists must see how they can benefit from it directly, or it is instantly dismissed. So, a new truth must be obvious to all the conformists in one second, and of great, obvious practical benefit to the most senior conformists. Then, and only then, will any idea ever have the slightest chance of being stolen by the senior conformists for their own use, and even then, only for the benefit of those conformists."

"So, a curious radical who discovers an obvious, provable truth has virtually no chance of communicating it to any conformist? And, even if he does succeed, it will be stolen?"

"That's right. Not being curious in matters other than deception, conformists have a very limited capacity for understanding real things. Such a truth must be absolutely undeniable, blatantly obvious, and of great practical benefit for the most senior conformists personally."

"But wait. I thought the conformists wanted only to conform. If they have all the power to expose truth, why would they listen to any truth at all? What makes a truth of great practical benefit?"

"It is only of practical benefit if the conformist can use that particular truth to shift the balance of conformity so that the other conformists are conforming to him rather than him to other conformists. After all, a conformist who has conformed perfectly has no further reason to conform, and has succeeded...is perfectly conforming. Success is the only concern of a senior conformist, and a new truth can, very rarely, be used by a conformist to this end. This is how all new truths become exposed and widely known. To a conformist, truth is nothing more than a tool used to force a rival conformist to conform. After all, a truth that is easily observable by all will be conformed to by absolute necessity anyway, and the first conformist to identify this truth, and its observability, will be most prepared to conform to it."

"But, what about the radical who delivers the truth in the first place? Can he even take credit for it? Can he benefit from it at all?"

"Beyond what joy he gets from knowing the truth? Heavens no. The truth is usually only beneficial to anyone else if the senior conformist can use it to acquire the means to adequately suppress the radical, often violently, and discredit him. No outrageous radical could ever tarnish the sleek image the conformist has wrapped around whatever conformist-attracting truth he has plundered. The facade will be indistinguishable from the original radical's conception anyway, disguised from the prying eyes of competing conformists."

"But, what if this is an important idea. What if a radical has an idea that will save the planet from say, a comet impact. Can the radical take the credit then?"

"Hardly. The head conformist would probably use this knowledge to discredit and shame the radical, panic the world, collect tribute, then build a spacecraft to escape with his conformist friends. Every conscious thinking radical knows one cannot trust any senior conformist with such knowledge. A truth such as this could easily be suppressed until impact if conformists had acquired all means to stop it from the radicals."

"But, could a radical jump over to the conformist line for the sole purpose of exposing a truth? You know, to make it more observable? If many radicals all happen to know the same truth, he might see that it is easily observable. With this knowledge, he might become a successful conformist instantly by demonstrating the obvious truth to all the conformists?"

"Hm, clever. You will make a fine conformist indeed. Sure, a radical can jump over to the conformist line anytime, and he should if his real goal is to be loved by the conformists and earn Con Credits. If he really cares about actually saving the planet from a comet impact, he would probably simply submit his findings to a trusted conformist, if there is such a thing, and then go back to doing whatever it was that will allow him to continue saving the planet."

"Why can't the radical-turned-conformist just jump back in line with the radicals after diverting the comet?"

"He can, but he loses all his Con Credits and will never be trusted by the conformists again. Such an individual is either a traitor or "insane." Jumping to the conformist line is sort of a one-time, life-long deal. Any conformist that jumps over to the loony bin is there for good."

"So, if I really want to have new ideas, why couldn't I just start in the radical line and then jump to the conformist line when it suits me best?"

"You can, but you'll do so without any Con Credits and lose the best opportunities to steal ideas from the radicals. You will be much better off if you join the conformists from the start. I strongly recommend you stick with the winners, and not the losers."

"Well, say I wish to think, and join the "losers" and step to the back of the radical line. Is it possible that I would be disliked by them for dressing like a conformist?"

"HA! Of course, you will be made quite a fool by many of the radicals for dressing like that, you silly buffoon. Radicals are all very unique, but surprisingly alike in their devotion to novelty, vanity, and laughing at anyone who happens to look like a conformist. Most radicals are actually quite like conformists in this way, and don't even care about their single advantage. Rather than study and ask questions, many radicals will simply indulge in any opportunity to behave in the same, unseemly, conformist manner. The few radicals who do actually seek truth easily see all this, know that the conformists lump them together with the vain radical-for-the-sake-of-radical crowd, and eventually just become apathetic conformists. Beware of this fate."

"So, you are saying that I have the opportunity to truly think for myself, freely explore and comprehend real truths, but I must be completely discredited and made a mockery by all mankind to do so?"

"Basically, yes. Anyone can do it. Dress like a conformist in the radical line and you have the intellectual freedom to think yourself into the cross hairs of every droplet of saliva that shoots from the collective mouth of humanity enraged in an endless fit of hysterical laughter at your expense. To not conform at all means you are alone. Do you really think knowing the truth is worth all that? Do you really want to do this? I don't think so. There, now you know all the truth you need to go conform."

"I'm rather shocked to discover all this. I think you are right, and find it very disturbing. What else will I learn as a radical?"

"Don't ask me. I'm just giving you an account of what I have seen from my point of view. For all I know, the most outrageous radicals are acting rationally based on truths unavailable to me. For all I know, many conformists know all about this and don't talk about it. I just stand here and hand out tickets. I hand out tickets, show people how to get to line they want, and tell them what I know, that's all."

"Sounds like a good gig."

"It's hell. I've made my decision. When I find a replacement I'm outa here and right up there with the conformists before I lose my mind. Hey, you looking for a job?"

"You mean yours?"

"That's right. Just stand here. When someone approaches, hand them a ticket and tell them to stand at the back of the line with the conformists. If they have three eyes or flippers or wear white face paint and pretend they are trapped inside an invisible box, they are probably a radical. In that case, hand them one of these tickets and shovel them in that direction. You serious? You ready for this?"

"Do I have to pick a line otherwise?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm ready."

"Alright, congrats. I'll be at the center of the conformists before you know it. You take your time and think about it, but I'm sure you'll make the same decision. Whatever you do, don't get any big ideas."