This was an unfamiliar situation.
The hysteria had driven virtually every coworker, friend, and family member into the street. From my office window I watched the organism stretch out like a snake, the tops of thousands of heads moved at a snail's pace. It was too slow to see, but I detected one distinctive red hat was a half-block closer than before. Beside the crowd there was a perpetual stream of people rushing towards the end of the line...grown men and women with their business clothes, briefcases, dresses, high heels. Some were obviously not accustomed to running, and the frantic desperation fed the aura of panic. The sight was mystical and hypnotic, and the dramatic suddenness of it all tempted my curiosity...drew me in.
Tearing my eyes from the spectacle, I observed my office...the scattered pieces of paper on the floor...the half-full mugs of coffee.
Creepy.
I sat in a chair and thought for a while. I could almost hear the voices of everyone urging me to join the line. I checked my phone. Their texts and emails inquired how close I was to the front. I wondered if I would regret my hesitation, picking up a half-eaten bagel from my neighbor's desk. I brushed off the dried onions (yuck) and took a bite. I realized I hadn't eaten all day. Ah, laziness...procrastination.
Was I missing out?
Would I have a job tomorrow?
Was the line my only hope?
I looked at the reports on the desk in front of me next to the open container of cream cheese. The cover page was impressive, with bold colors and intricate designs. It was crafted for the executive staff meeting that afternoon. Us grunts were asked to boil expansive constructs down to a few simple charts and pictures for the guys up top. We always knew it wasn't the full picture, but what are you going to do? The bean counters in suits never had time to read reports or mull over figures anyway...it was all we could do just to show them a cartoonish illustration that hinted at the real story.
Knowing the reports would never get reviewed with any scrutiny, creative pictures became paramount. Those of us who gathered and compiled the data were bemused by this. Half-eaten-bagel-on-desk lady always drew up some impressive figure that over-simplified and trivialized our situation to the point of hysterics...never missing the wooden clogs and Dutch-style wind mills to illustrate wind-speed metrics at proposed turbine sites. A laugh was always welcome between the leather chairs. It was usually half the story, but any attempt to explain the full story would have been even-more-greatly misinterpreted in that posed, superficial glance. In other words, by counting on the execs to judge a book by its cover, there was not only room for obfuscation, but a necessity for it. (At least that's what she said). Then, we would quietly laugh at the final decisions, but what did we know? They were paid to see the big picture, not us.
Recognizing the negligence, us stat guys barged into a meeting one time to try to tell the big shots the real story. They didn't like our geeky graphs as much as the pretty wooden shoes and colorful pictures. A buddy of mine got canned for that.
I looked at my desk and the piles of data that needed crunching. I looked around and noticed the phones off the hook, the trash cans knocked over. I had never seen evidence of such urgency in the history of the company. I guess they were all in a hurry to get a good place in line...to stand and wait for whatever they could get.
Perhaps I should have bowed down on the cold ground. Maybe then it would have been worth it...worth the handout. Ha, me...reduced to a professional beggar. Shame on me for even thinking such a thing. But, would I? Could I resist such a thing...easy money picked from trees for a couple soiled knees?
I stood up and walked back to the window. The power was out. It was dark. By the moonlight I could see the members of the organism crowded closely together in the cold like penguins. The ones on the outside would only stay there for a while before nudging inward where it was warmer. Apparently this was faith...this was hope. Without heat the office was getting colder. I found a blanket, grabbed a half jelly doughnut from the CFO's desk and went to sleep in the broom closet.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The End of the Line
The air was still and the morning was silent. I could hear a single bird in a tree somewhere beside the mall. There was a slight mist in the air, and I felt as if the impending sunrise would be a show designed specifically for me as the lonely, leafless trees cast a silhouette against the purple sky. I could barely see my breath through the darkness, and wondered if so tranquil a morning had ever existed in the center of this desolate suitcase metropolis. I couldn't know. It was a foreign place, having just relocated, and I was just beginning to acquire a taste for my new frame of reference.
Somehow, in those days, the natural beauty and predictability of a sunrise helped soothe the perpetual anxiety of daily life. Perhaps it was the welcome evidence that policy had not yet abated the rotation of the earth, or blocked out the sun. I slowed to a contemplative walk as I followed along side the marble surfaces, pondering the best vantage point. I wanted to bask at the fringe of the great expanse to pretend, for just a moment, that it was mine. I wanted to imagine the first light of day broke over my kingdom...the one I had conquered...that I could claim as my own. At this sleepy hour my imagination could do wonders before the sparse, open landscape, and for that point in time, the most delightful point in the day, one tiny insignificant soul could stand on top of the world and virtually taste the limitless possibilities.
However, on this morning, the extraordinary would not require imagination.
From behind a building I emerged to the edge of the urban prairie as the quiet suggested an elevated degree of desolation. But, as I moved into the open space I suddenly found myself standing in a place I had never been. Everything was new, even though I always took the exact same path. It was as if I was a child in a grocery store, suddenly realizing the skirt of the woman walking next to me was not my mother's. I paused and looked around...
Without a moon there was little resolution, but enough to verify something very unusual in front, and all around me. Where an endless plain of grass should have been sat a rugged landscape, like moguls as far as could be seen through the dark haze. I became instantly paralyzed, and squinted to identify the outlines of familiar monuments among the multitude of these foreign curiosities. They were there, and only by those white shapes could I detect my general location in this alternate world I had stumbled upon.
There was subtle motion. They were alive, and conscious, their bodies shifting slightly to maintain a measure of comfort against what must have been a very cold surface. I could hear the leaves shuffle under my feet as I walked beside them. A chill rushed up my spine and I shuddered as I noticed the diagonals between perfectly spaced rows, like the white stones across the river in Arlington.
"What was I missing," I thought? Why had I not been invited to this event, and why was I not taking part? I felt a sense of urgency, as if I was either imposing or acting inappropriately somehow. I noticed a few discreet eyes wander in my direction. I could not tell whether they were afraid...disobedient in looking at me, or whether they disapproved of my presence. I dared not ask, as each seemed deep in either concentration or a trance of some kind. They were very serious. I walked along, mystified and curious.
Other strange shapes began to materialize along the fringe where I was walking. I noticed abandoned machinery. I passed a jackhammer, a forklift, a truck, and all sorts of other implements, all strewn along the perimeter. It looked as if they had been dropped in a haphazard, hurried fashion. I walked by a bulldozer and noticed the door was still open and the keys were still in the ignition. Whatever their cause, I decided it must be very important. Why would anyone abandon their valuable tools like that? What was so dire that all work needed to be instantly suspended?
My inclination was to discover their purpose, and, if sensible, to join them. I wanted to know what they knew...what reason for this behavior at such an awkward time. After all, I figured no congregation of so many could be joined together without some cause.
I looked up and noticed the sun had peaked over the horizon behind them, burning the mist away. It was beautiful, and began casting long shadows toward the front of the crowd. As the visibility improved I noticed there were many more of them than I could have possibly imagined. There were tens if not hundreds of thousands of them. I turned to look in the direction they were facing.
The scene grew more coherent as I saw the figure in front of them. They all appeared to be bowing to a well-dressed gentleman who was standing high upon the steps in front of them. He was basking in the first rays of light. Apparently, he had positioned himself so that he was illuminated, as if by a spotlight, between the shadows from the distant structures. It was a breathtaking sight, and he did look very impressive, yet also casual and approachable. He seemed to be writing something on his podium. I decided to walk over to him.
As my foot pressed against the first step his head rose from the paper in front of him, and he smiled. He watched me ascend the steps with an inviting, cheerful look, as if he had been expecting me.
I spoke first.
"Hi there. Beautiful morning, isn't it?"
"I'll say so. Spectacular. So, what can I do for you?"
"Well, I just wanted to know what everyone is doing out here so early. Why have all these folks decided to bow down on the ground? I don't understand."
"Have they?" He looked out to the crowd. "Oh, yes, I suppose they have."
"They seem to be praying or worshiping, or something."
"It does appear that way, doesn't it? Well, I would not want to interfere. After all, every citizen is entitled to worship however they please in this country."
"I wonder why they are here, on the lawn?"
"Well, it's hope, I guess. Faith, maybe. Hope is the dream of a soul awake, my friend. You know, if you never give up, and follow your dreams, anything is possible."
"Yes, I agree. But, well, they seem to be placing their hope and faith in you, sir."
"Yes, I see that. And, well, since they are depending on me, I do not intend to let them down. I am hopeful myself, you see, that we can withstand any crisis so long as we stick together."
"I see. So, are you saying you are also hopeful. But, you seem to be placing all of your faith in them."
"And I am counting on you as well, my friend. Look, times are tough, and we have to get everybody moving again. Let's start with you. Are you an executive or businessman of some kind?"
"No, I'm a statistician."
"Well, then, you are nonetheless vital to our economic recovery. Please move to the end of the line, and you will receive your share of the money in due course."
"Share of the money? I'm not asking for a handout or anything. I just want to see what's going on here."
"Well, business owners and investors who have taken risks, like the ones bowing in front of us, have lost a lot of money. So, they are in line to collect some money from me so they can get back to work. If you want some, I have to ask you to move to the back of the line just like the other normal folks. I'm sorry, but all non-executives will need to wait their turn. And no, as you approach these steps, I will not require you to bow on the ground. Now, please excuse me, I have a lot of money to give away."
"Okay. I guess I don't really understand, but thanks for your time."
I turned and walked down the stairs. Indeed, I was no one deserving of special privileges or anything...just a guy who crunches numbers. I started strolling to the back of the line. I could see that it stretched far off into the distance.
By now the sunrise was gorgeous, and I couldn't help but smile as I walked along side the thousands of rows of backs and arms. As I continued, the individuals in line seemed less serious. About a half-mile back most people were just sitting rather than bowing on the ground. At the very back no one was on the ground at all. Most of them were just standing and complaining. Some were even holding signs and protesting. They just seemed to be disappointed to be at the back of the line.
I asked a guy..."What are you guys waiting for?"
"Money, man. He's got it all up there at the front, and he's giving it away."
"Where did he get all the money?"
"Everyone back here says he got it from us."
"Why did you guys give it to him just to wait here to get it back?"
"I don't know. I just did what I was told, and now he's the one who's got it all somehow. Can't get it anywhere else these days, so here I am, at the back of the line. I don't know what else to do."
I nodded and started to walk off and he yelled...
"Well, don't get out of line now, it will be twice as long by the time you get back."
"No, I can't today. I'm already late for work."
Astonished with the morning's events, I hastily finished my run and walked upstairs to my apartment. All of this was so shocking and unexpected that I didn't know what to think. But, there would be time for contemplation later. I had a very busy day in front of me, and I needed to get to the office.
I got in my car and began my commute. I was surprised to find that my radio was broken. All I got was static. Also, the roads were empty. There was no traffic. A strange silence seemed to pervade everything around me.
I pulled into my building, and the parking lot was empty. No one was there. I walked into the office to startling silence. Not a phone was ringing.
I looked out of my office window, which was also high above the street. To my amazement, the line had now stretched miles into the suburbs!
Had I missed the memo? For a moment I regretted not stepping in line earlier. I didn't know whether I should run as quickly as possible to the end of the line or let it continue for another ten miles. It was growing very quickly now.
I looked at my desk.
The work was urgent, but I was completely distracted by the terrifying circumstances. I realized my phone was out of batteries and plugged it into the charger.
21 voice mails...46 text messages...
(cont...)
Somehow, in those days, the natural beauty and predictability of a sunrise helped soothe the perpetual anxiety of daily life. Perhaps it was the welcome evidence that policy had not yet abated the rotation of the earth, or blocked out the sun. I slowed to a contemplative walk as I followed along side the marble surfaces, pondering the best vantage point. I wanted to bask at the fringe of the great expanse to pretend, for just a moment, that it was mine. I wanted to imagine the first light of day broke over my kingdom...the one I had conquered...that I could claim as my own. At this sleepy hour my imagination could do wonders before the sparse, open landscape, and for that point in time, the most delightful point in the day, one tiny insignificant soul could stand on top of the world and virtually taste the limitless possibilities.
However, on this morning, the extraordinary would not require imagination.
From behind a building I emerged to the edge of the urban prairie as the quiet suggested an elevated degree of desolation. But, as I moved into the open space I suddenly found myself standing in a place I had never been. Everything was new, even though I always took the exact same path. It was as if I was a child in a grocery store, suddenly realizing the skirt of the woman walking next to me was not my mother's. I paused and looked around...
Without a moon there was little resolution, but enough to verify something very unusual in front, and all around me. Where an endless plain of grass should have been sat a rugged landscape, like moguls as far as could be seen through the dark haze. I became instantly paralyzed, and squinted to identify the outlines of familiar monuments among the multitude of these foreign curiosities. They were there, and only by those white shapes could I detect my general location in this alternate world I had stumbled upon.
By now the light was invading the dawn with increased velocity, and I could see that each mound was unique, with its own shape and size. As I grew near, what began to materialize was disturbing and surreal. They were people. In front of my feet I observed a tall young man in jeans and a black suit coat. His knees and forehead were pressed against the ground, and his hands were open upon the grass in front of him. He was as still as a statue.
They were all as still as statues.
They were dressed in various styles and colors of clothing, some with backpacks, some with hats. Some wore expensive suits with ties, black polished shoes, a briefcase beside them. Others had cameras around their necks. They could have been average folks taken from the streets...maybe they were. There was such an explosion of diversity in every way, with one exception...they were all motionless, bowing on the ground, and faced in exactly the same direction.
What was this? Was it a vigil? Was it a seance of some kind? My breathing was deliberate and my hands began to tremble.
They were all as still as statues.
They were dressed in various styles and colors of clothing, some with backpacks, some with hats. Some wore expensive suits with ties, black polished shoes, a briefcase beside them. Others had cameras around their necks. They could have been average folks taken from the streets...maybe they were. There was such an explosion of diversity in every way, with one exception...they were all motionless, bowing on the ground, and faced in exactly the same direction.
What was this? Was it a vigil? Was it a seance of some kind? My breathing was deliberate and my hands began to tremble.
There was subtle motion. They were alive, and conscious, their bodies shifting slightly to maintain a measure of comfort against what must have been a very cold surface. I could hear the leaves shuffle under my feet as I walked beside them. A chill rushed up my spine and I shuddered as I noticed the diagonals between perfectly spaced rows, like the white stones across the river in Arlington.
"What was I missing," I thought? Why had I not been invited to this event, and why was I not taking part? I felt a sense of urgency, as if I was either imposing or acting inappropriately somehow. I noticed a few discreet eyes wander in my direction. I could not tell whether they were afraid...disobedient in looking at me, or whether they disapproved of my presence. I dared not ask, as each seemed deep in either concentration or a trance of some kind. They were very serious. I walked along, mystified and curious.
Other strange shapes began to materialize along the fringe where I was walking. I noticed abandoned machinery. I passed a jackhammer, a forklift, a truck, and all sorts of other implements, all strewn along the perimeter. It looked as if they had been dropped in a haphazard, hurried fashion. I walked by a bulldozer and noticed the door was still open and the keys were still in the ignition. Whatever their cause, I decided it must be very important. Why would anyone abandon their valuable tools like that? What was so dire that all work needed to be instantly suspended?
My inclination was to discover their purpose, and, if sensible, to join them. I wanted to know what they knew...what reason for this behavior at such an awkward time. After all, I figured no congregation of so many could be joined together without some cause.
I looked up and noticed the sun had peaked over the horizon behind them, burning the mist away. It was beautiful, and began casting long shadows toward the front of the crowd. As the visibility improved I noticed there were many more of them than I could have possibly imagined. There were tens if not hundreds of thousands of them. I turned to look in the direction they were facing.
The scene grew more coherent as I saw the figure in front of them. They all appeared to be bowing to a well-dressed gentleman who was standing high upon the steps in front of them. He was basking in the first rays of light. Apparently, he had positioned himself so that he was illuminated, as if by a spotlight, between the shadows from the distant structures. It was a breathtaking sight, and he did look very impressive, yet also casual and approachable. He seemed to be writing something on his podium. I decided to walk over to him.
As my foot pressed against the first step his head rose from the paper in front of him, and he smiled. He watched me ascend the steps with an inviting, cheerful look, as if he had been expecting me.
I spoke first.
"Hi there. Beautiful morning, isn't it?"
"I'll say so. Spectacular. So, what can I do for you?"
"Well, I just wanted to know what everyone is doing out here so early. Why have all these folks decided to bow down on the ground? I don't understand."
"Have they?" He looked out to the crowd. "Oh, yes, I suppose they have."
"They seem to be praying or worshiping, or something."
"It does appear that way, doesn't it? Well, I would not want to interfere. After all, every citizen is entitled to worship however they please in this country."
"I wonder why they are here, on the lawn?"
"Well, it's hope, I guess. Faith, maybe. Hope is the dream of a soul awake, my friend. You know, if you never give up, and follow your dreams, anything is possible."
"Yes, I agree. But, well, they seem to be placing their hope and faith in you, sir."
"Yes, I see that. And, well, since they are depending on me, I do not intend to let them down. I am hopeful myself, you see, that we can withstand any crisis so long as we stick together."
"I see. So, are you saying you are also hopeful. But, you seem to be placing all of your faith in them."
"And I am counting on you as well, my friend. Look, times are tough, and we have to get everybody moving again. Let's start with you. Are you an executive or businessman of some kind?"
"No, I'm a statistician."
"Well, then, you are nonetheless vital to our economic recovery. Please move to the end of the line, and you will receive your share of the money in due course."
"Share of the money? I'm not asking for a handout or anything. I just want to see what's going on here."
"Well, business owners and investors who have taken risks, like the ones bowing in front of us, have lost a lot of money. So, they are in line to collect some money from me so they can get back to work. If you want some, I have to ask you to move to the back of the line just like the other normal folks. I'm sorry, but all non-executives will need to wait their turn. And no, as you approach these steps, I will not require you to bow on the ground. Now, please excuse me, I have a lot of money to give away."
"Okay. I guess I don't really understand, but thanks for your time."
I turned and walked down the stairs. Indeed, I was no one deserving of special privileges or anything...just a guy who crunches numbers. I started strolling to the back of the line. I could see that it stretched far off into the distance.
By now the sunrise was gorgeous, and I couldn't help but smile as I walked along side the thousands of rows of backs and arms. As I continued, the individuals in line seemed less serious. About a half-mile back most people were just sitting rather than bowing on the ground. At the very back no one was on the ground at all. Most of them were just standing and complaining. Some were even holding signs and protesting. They just seemed to be disappointed to be at the back of the line.
I asked a guy..."What are you guys waiting for?"
"Money, man. He's got it all up there at the front, and he's giving it away."
"Where did he get all the money?"
"Everyone back here says he got it from us."
"Why did you guys give it to him just to wait here to get it back?"
"I don't know. I just did what I was told, and now he's the one who's got it all somehow. Can't get it anywhere else these days, so here I am, at the back of the line. I don't know what else to do."
I nodded and started to walk off and he yelled...
"Well, don't get out of line now, it will be twice as long by the time you get back."
"No, I can't today. I'm already late for work."
Astonished with the morning's events, I hastily finished my run and walked upstairs to my apartment. All of this was so shocking and unexpected that I didn't know what to think. But, there would be time for contemplation later. I had a very busy day in front of me, and I needed to get to the office.
I got in my car and began my commute. I was surprised to find that my radio was broken. All I got was static. Also, the roads were empty. There was no traffic. A strange silence seemed to pervade everything around me.
I pulled into my building, and the parking lot was empty. No one was there. I walked into the office to startling silence. Not a phone was ringing.
I looked out of my office window, which was also high above the street. To my amazement, the line had now stretched miles into the suburbs!
Had I missed the memo? For a moment I regretted not stepping in line earlier. I didn't know whether I should run as quickly as possible to the end of the line or let it continue for another ten miles. It was growing very quickly now.
I looked at my desk.
The work was urgent, but I was completely distracted by the terrifying circumstances. I realized my phone was out of batteries and plugged it into the charger.
21 voice mails...46 text messages...
(cont...)
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Thoughts
I know that many of you have asked me to speak directly about the "economic stimulus" and global financial crisis. I know you all want to hear my opinions about the current political environment and the decisions of our esteemed policy makers.
Actually, none have asked for such a thing. In fact, I know that is the last thing you want to read here. As such, I will write freely with the type of abandon usually reserved for personal meditations in a private diary. Surely such words would be misinterpreted if presented to the general public anyway. Please enjoy ignoring the following...
I place such fierce, unquestioning faith in our elected representatives that no amount of persuasion could break the impenetrable bonds that join us. I am as welded to my president and his genius as steel plates upon the hull of an oil tanker. To me, the decisions of our enlightened officials constitute a foundation so solid that I gladly stake the welfare of my children, and grandchildren upon it. It goes without saying that I am obligated to the welfare of others, and ought not yield to my own feeble intellect and possessions when evaluating problems too complicated for my own understanding. Indeed, because they are so grand and incomprehensible, I must contribute whatever labor, wealth, and effort is required in service of a solution. In such desperate times, how dare I labor for my own family without concern for the millions of other families? Is this not a country where all men are equal? As such, how can the fruits of my labor be offered to anything less than the good of all?
Thank God we can trust one delegation, our government, to understand precisely what the "good of all" is. I know little. But, I am absolutely certain that my simple mind could not begin to identify such a thing. And, if it could, I can scarcely begin to comprehend the intellectual courage required to act upon any measure dedicated to such a purpose. As the "good of all," I would be required to have confidence that I understood each individual's definition of "good." I am perhaps less perceptive than others, and know little about how anyone but myself defines "good." Good for me is food, clothes, a job, a roof, some comfort. For others, "good" is the value of their investments, a vacation home, a nice car. So, while the beneficiaries of our government's actions more than exceed my personal definition of what is "good," I trust that I am an anomaly, and that they understand what every other person considers "good." And, who am I to say failed executives should not continue to get what is good by their own definition? Who am I to say that their three vacation homes are not good for everybody? If government says they are, who am I to argue? What do I know, really? Therefore, I do not hesitate to devote the sum of my worldly effort and intellect in defense of our esteemed leaders, especially in these times of uncertainty.
When the going gets tough, we must help government get going.
Unquestioning, total support...such is the sacrifice we must all make when we are unable to comprehend a problem so universal in scope. In times of urgency we must not falter and must not doubt. The wisdom of our representatives, in a sense, derives from powers higher than our own in that they guide us all. Dedicated to the "good of all," they certainly care about us, and do so as much or more than their own families and loved ones. For that, we owe them everything.
As a citizen and patriot of these great United States of America, there is no limit to the amount of support I extend, as my capacity allows, towards the fulfillment of their motives. I confess that I am fearful and confused, and as such, cower in shame like all other Americans, begging my government to drag me from this pit of despair. I am so perfectly convinced that their actions are in my best interest that I am willing to suffer whatever hardship necessary to ensure their enemies are thoroughly crushed beyond recognition. Any who doubt the sound judgment of our politicians, or their intent, threaten the very fabric of our country. If we cannot stand behind these great figures of our time...these bastions of justice and liberty...how can we expect to preserve it, much less preserve the republic upon which they stand? After all, it was the republic that brought them to power in the first place, and therefore, it is the republic that must persevere. They are the ones for which this republic stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice.
Actually, none have asked for such a thing. In fact, I know that is the last thing you want to read here. As such, I will write freely with the type of abandon usually reserved for personal meditations in a private diary. Surely such words would be misinterpreted if presented to the general public anyway. Please enjoy ignoring the following...
I place such fierce, unquestioning faith in our elected representatives that no amount of persuasion could break the impenetrable bonds that join us. I am as welded to my president and his genius as steel plates upon the hull of an oil tanker. To me, the decisions of our enlightened officials constitute a foundation so solid that I gladly stake the welfare of my children, and grandchildren upon it. It goes without saying that I am obligated to the welfare of others, and ought not yield to my own feeble intellect and possessions when evaluating problems too complicated for my own understanding. Indeed, because they are so grand and incomprehensible, I must contribute whatever labor, wealth, and effort is required in service of a solution. In such desperate times, how dare I labor for my own family without concern for the millions of other families? Is this not a country where all men are equal? As such, how can the fruits of my labor be offered to anything less than the good of all?
Thank God we can trust one delegation, our government, to understand precisely what the "good of all" is. I know little. But, I am absolutely certain that my simple mind could not begin to identify such a thing. And, if it could, I can scarcely begin to comprehend the intellectual courage required to act upon any measure dedicated to such a purpose. As the "good of all," I would be required to have confidence that I understood each individual's definition of "good." I am perhaps less perceptive than others, and know little about how anyone but myself defines "good." Good for me is food, clothes, a job, a roof, some comfort. For others, "good" is the value of their investments, a vacation home, a nice car. So, while the beneficiaries of our government's actions more than exceed my personal definition of what is "good," I trust that I am an anomaly, and that they understand what every other person considers "good." And, who am I to say failed executives should not continue to get what is good by their own definition? Who am I to say that their three vacation homes are not good for everybody? If government says they are, who am I to argue? What do I know, really? Therefore, I do not hesitate to devote the sum of my worldly effort and intellect in defense of our esteemed leaders, especially in these times of uncertainty.
When the going gets tough, we must help government get going.
Unquestioning, total support...such is the sacrifice we must all make when we are unable to comprehend a problem so universal in scope. In times of urgency we must not falter and must not doubt. The wisdom of our representatives, in a sense, derives from powers higher than our own in that they guide us all. Dedicated to the "good of all," they certainly care about us, and do so as much or more than their own families and loved ones. For that, we owe them everything.
As a citizen and patriot of these great United States of America, there is no limit to the amount of support I extend, as my capacity allows, towards the fulfillment of their motives. I confess that I am fearful and confused, and as such, cower in shame like all other Americans, begging my government to drag me from this pit of despair. I am so perfectly convinced that their actions are in my best interest that I am willing to suffer whatever hardship necessary to ensure their enemies are thoroughly crushed beyond recognition. Any who doubt the sound judgment of our politicians, or their intent, threaten the very fabric of our country. If we cannot stand behind these great figures of our time...these bastions of justice and liberty...how can we expect to preserve it, much less preserve the republic upon which they stand? After all, it was the republic that brought them to power in the first place, and therefore, it is the republic that must persevere. They are the ones for which this republic stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The Palace of Dreams
Upon a flat expanse of ground,
a circus ring of rocks surround
a shrine of lights and bells and suits,
a strip too parched for any roots.
Yet this fortress sprouts and sprawls
reflects itself in mirrored walls,
preens among the polished brass,
expands forever, deep in glass.
And, this bastion, broad and plush,
the droves invade, a constant rush,
defenses oh so slight and thin,
for every sign shouts: "Please come in!"
Throngs beseech this place of wonder,
wild in pursuit of plunder.
Ripe with what is needed so,
brimming with their goods in tow.
Gold or silver, skills, career,
none of these have value here.
But you need not be estranged,
for all your dreams may be exchanged.
Hopes, ambitions, bring them all,
thoughts of grandeur, wishes tall,
expectations small and great,
for they dare not discriminate.
Would you like a nice safari?
or to drive your new Ferrari?
or to one day buy a house?
procure a diamond for your spouse?
Is it wealth that you desire?
Or, some day, to retire?
Just the dream affords a price,
any fancy will suffice.
When you know what moves you most
approach the counter, make a toast.
Tell the vendor, he will nod,
thousands roar, a fierce applaud.
Then, escorted to a room,
ornate and dark, an empty tomb.
Wait, for soon you will collect,
and get what you could not expect.
He might spin with flashing lights,
expose your eyes to glorious sights.
Feats and tricks that make you smile,
and this will last a little while.
Then, fluorescent lights appear.
Find the exit to the rear.
Delight in what you sense within,
think not 'bout what your dream had been.
Selling dreams is brave, you see?
Why ever give them out for free?
Once relinquished you are paid,
and they take several weeks to fade.
Best of all, you get another,
maybe not enough to cover.
But, though lesser than before,
sell it and you will get one more.
Then, with every dream you sell
The palace grows, its towers swell.
Mirrors wide and high one side,
matched, the other, filled with pride.
So, my friend, abandon ye,
and dare to view all you can see.
Free your worries and your cares,
(oh, and we don't take nightmares).
a circus ring of rocks surround
a shrine of lights and bells and suits,
a strip too parched for any roots.
Yet this fortress sprouts and sprawls
reflects itself in mirrored walls,
preens among the polished brass,
expands forever, deep in glass.
And, this bastion, broad and plush,
the droves invade, a constant rush,
defenses oh so slight and thin,
for every sign shouts: "Please come in!"
Throngs beseech this place of wonder,
wild in pursuit of plunder.
Ripe with what is needed so,
brimming with their goods in tow.
Gold or silver, skills, career,
none of these have value here.
But you need not be estranged,
for all your dreams may be exchanged.
Hopes, ambitions, bring them all,
thoughts of grandeur, wishes tall,
expectations small and great,
for they dare not discriminate.
Would you like a nice safari?
or to drive your new Ferrari?
or to one day buy a house?
procure a diamond for your spouse?
Is it wealth that you desire?
Or, some day, to retire?
Just the dream affords a price,
any fancy will suffice.
When you know what moves you most
approach the counter, make a toast.
Tell the vendor, he will nod,
thousands roar, a fierce applaud.
Then, escorted to a room,
ornate and dark, an empty tomb.
Wait, for soon you will collect,
and get what you could not expect.
He might spin with flashing lights,
expose your eyes to glorious sights.
Feats and tricks that make you smile,
and this will last a little while.
Then, fluorescent lights appear.
Find the exit to the rear.
Delight in what you sense within,
think not 'bout what your dream had been.
Selling dreams is brave, you see?
Why ever give them out for free?
Once relinquished you are paid,
and they take several weeks to fade.
Best of all, you get another,
maybe not enough to cover.
But, though lesser than before,
sell it and you will get one more.
Then, with every dream you sell
The palace grows, its towers swell.
Mirrors wide and high one side,
matched, the other, filled with pride.
So, my friend, abandon ye,
and dare to view all you can see.
Free your worries and your cares,
(oh, and we don't take nightmares).
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The Seige
"I'm not going to kill you, but I don't have to save you." Remember that? That's what Batman said to Ducard before jumping from the train, letting it careen from the monorail. That seems pretty mean of Batman, to let his nemesis die, but look at the alternative. The point is, while being the good Samaritan to a stranger in need is admirable, we don't have an obligation to rescue someone who is actively trying to kill us.
This reminds me of the Aesop's fable: The Scorpion and the Frog. Remember, the scorpion stings the frog's back as the frog is carrying him across the river. Why? Because he's a scorpion. Why is he a scorpion? Why does he attack his precious flotation device? I don't know. Are you a scorpion? No, didn't think so. Well then, not being a scorpion, you would have no idea, would you? Don't you know that scorpions are raised to brood over the historical injustices caused by the frog community? Don't you know that scorpions will gladly martyr themselves, sink to a watery grave, so long as they take a frog with them? Or, maybe the scorpion thinks you're a toad, which makes you sinister to frog and scorpion alike. Are you a scorpion? No. Then, you can't assume a scorpion is smart enough to tell the difference between a frog and a toad. So, that's why we don't judge or make assumptions about scorpions. All we can do, as frogs, is leap away from them rather than invite them onto our backs as we cross rivers. And, that's why Batman doesn't save Ducard from the doomed train. Batman knows he will get stung...
So Aesop, a Greek slave, explained this in the 6th century BC, Aristotle and Plato read it in the 3rd century BC, and today Marvel profits heartily by repeating it to cheering movie goers who make livings drafting up sub prime mortgage loans and encouraging "economic stimulus" plans that our children will pay for long after our death. You have identified the hypocrisy too. You try to expose the scorpions for who they are. You think you have discovered the truth. Right now, to you, I am a scorpion...
Look, I didn't want to kidnap you, and I know you think I've broken some law or something. You "know your rights," and are obviously pleading the 5th, which is fine. I don't want you to talk. Don't bother struggling. You can't get out. The corpse hanging over there is fake. It's just a shock tactic. Don't believe me? Well, believe what you want. I only ask you to do one thing for me. Listen! HA! That, you say, is what got you into trouble in the first place. You listened, you learned too much, and now you think that I am the scorpion, interrogating you for information I don't understand...discoveries of which I could not possibly understand the significance...
I am a fly...a fly on the wall. I've been watching your work for a year. I know that you have designed an unlimited, cheep, clean, easily reproducible energy source. I know that in your pocket is a DVD that can solve the world's energy crisis. And, I know that right now there are people in suits anticipating your presentation on the 102nd floor downtown. I am a fly on their wall too. I know that this corporation is anxious to accept, develop, and sell your proposal.
But, I know something that you don't...
See this? Yes, you already know what this is. This one is based on your plans...a simple, portable fuel cell with a 120 volt outlet. You know it could one day power appliances, microwaves, computers. Congratulations, my boy, you've done it! It lasts months before it needs a recharge. You know that this means cheep, safe, clean energy for millions, and large profits for you, and especially the company that produces it. You know that before long these could be as common as toasters, improving the standard of living for all humanity. I'm sure this gives you a warm feeling in your heart. I know you are not doing it for the money. Well done, Ghandi, you've saved the world now, haven't you?
Well, I have some unfortunate news. Rather than tell you, I'll just show you. Let's see, plug this cord into the outlet and...whoa! Look at that! Yes, through that window is our sub-terrainian test facility. Yes, it's just a big fricking hanger and yes, it's carved out of bedrock. Your device is powering that hovercraft. You know this is possible. You know you have under-designed your fuel cell specifically to prevent this amount of power. And, you have suspected that no one else could possibly figure out the technology required to enhance it. I am afraid I have some bad news. This technology is not new...
I want you to think very carefully about the implications of your invention. I want you to think about the power you are proposing, and the accessibility. While your device will raise the living standard of billions, it will also place unprecedented power directly into the hands of modern-day barbarians, some desperate enough to be terrorists. Look, in order to understand why you have been kidnapped, you need to learn a bit of history...
I guess today is show-and-tell day, isn't it? See this? This is the original Antikythera Mechanism. It was designed and built around 150 BC, and it is basically an analog computer that calculates the position of the sun, moon, stars, and planets. They found a crude copy in a shipwreck off the island of Crete in 1901. Historians oogle over this like it's some key to ancient technological innovation. HA! They are looking at a fake...this, right here, is the original, and it has never left the security of our bunker. A thief stole the original plans and built a copy to offer to Pompey in Rome in around 63 BC. We had to sink that ship en route. We didn't know what other property was on that ship. Rome was simply not ready for that technology. Can you imagine ancient Rome with cannons, or even electricity? Things would have been reeeeal ugly...
I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can...we had electricity in biblical times. We had antibiotics during the Black Plague. We had nuclear power in the Renaissance. We have lived underground, in isolation from the rest of humanity, waiting for the right conditions to reveal all these things. I know that may sound a bit hard to swallow, but look at the unfortunate reality: The population of 100 BC was superstitious and paranoid. A light bulb proved nothing but divine ordinance. There were wars constantly and any threat to authority was violently suppressed. It was a hopeless cause, as fearful rulers sought total control over any technology they didn't understand. They feared that what they could not control would be used against them...sound familiar?
We tried to introduce the safe things, like basic sanitation, but they used lead pipes (against our advice). There was no end to their arrogance. We tried to reveal electricity, but the folks just used it to impress their friends and occupy terrified populations. Back then all you really needed to terrify a nation was a spark. Now, it takes a whole media industry. So, we've made a lot of progress. But, the history books have it all wrong. Real technological advancement wasn't the result of competition between waring nations and conflict...it was the result of our peaceful underground laboratories. We gave the technology to certain individuals who lived in stable societies like ours down below. We entrusted certain individuals who understood it, and who we felt would apply it responsibly. But, the conditions needed to be appropriate...
One big triumph was the United States. We needed a system that respected folks enough so that they could think about things other than revolution. So, as you know, we scattered the powers into three branches and a bunch of states. We didn't actually do it, but we told them how to do it (in our own way). Citizens could finally think about improving their own lives without aristocracy getting in the way too much. The Civil War was discouraging, but indicated that the country was serious about preserving liberty and justice (or that such an argument could be made in hindsight). So, we decided to drop clues about how to build internal combustion engines and distribute electricity. Back then, us flies would just chat about things to scientists, often over beer or cider. We would ramble something incoherent regarding a copper coil, or a curved wing. We found the most subtle hint could do wonders when directed into the right ear.
Anyway, we kind of screwed up. We overestimated a few folks, and so did others. While Americans seemed to be putting the technology to good use, the rest of the world was determined to act like ancient Rome. Paranoia, superstition, and fear caused all these guys to use our generous gifts to start killing each other. The 20th century was ugly. Then, America goes out and fixes things...twice. I wonder how that happened...
We had to reveal a lot to get things settled. The cat was really out of the bag with fission. We hunkered down and prepared for the worst, buried here a few miles underground. We were ashamed of ourselves for intervening as much as we did and figured we better let terrestrial science progress by itself for a while. After all, we have our own sunlight sub-terra...well, a nice big ball of fusion that does the same thing. And, while we would one day enjoy some time up top, we are perfectly happy in our cavern. Basically, the few of us down here are being held under siege, dependent upon our fusion reactor, hydroponic plant life and really good schools...
Which, brings me to our current scenario: You, my friend, are an anomaly. Despite the low pedestal of public education, the lull of mind-numbing television, the distraction of politics, the temptations of wealth, the superstitions of religion, and the yoke of your own pride and ego, you have somehow stumbled upon the truth. You are in a strange spot. Your mind is not yet fit to live free among us. But, for your world, you are way ahead of your time. By leaving you up on the crust I risk putting machine guns in the hands of ancient Roman soldiers.
Here's the thing...what you are proposing, while technologically available, is only morally justifiable in a peaceful society...one capable of using it to enhance life and not destroy it. You show me a nation that minds its own business, with a government that acts in the interest of only all its citizens rather than a select few. If this country can set an example and others follow...well, then, we'll let you go and deliver your unlimited, free, clean, safe energy machine to the billions who need it. People don't start wars...governments do. Until government is in check, we will not repeat the errors of the past...we will not give Nero an air force.
You a probably asking: "what kind of just civilization kidnaps people for unveiling a scientific discovery?" You would be correct in wondering this. In fact, I have done the one thing our community prohibits over anything else...inflicting power over another for his or her own good. But, just as you would not give a child matches and gasoline in a crowded playground, I must not give you freedom...not for the sake of yourself, but for the sake of the people who will be slaughtered in your wake. I restrain you with the same sense of concern felt while considering the disclosure of nuclear fission. With knowledge comes power, and with power comes responsibility. You did not think about the implications of your discovery. You did not consider its true benefit.
Now, you have two options. You can become a fly like me, and observe the crust for other anomalies, encouraging the survival of the species. (It's a difficult job, but you get to use a lot of cool toys.) Or, you can live in our little paradise down here, helping push science to new levels...you have a lot to learn either way. One thing is certain...going back to your old life is not an option. You know too much. None of us orphans can return to our families until civilization has been restored.
Basically, what I am saying is...I'm not going to kill you, and I'm not going to let you unintentionally kill yourself either by walking into that board room and welcoming that scorpion onto your back. Trust me, that would have been ugly. So, you are free to choose...I hope you will choose wisely. You wouldn't like to end up like that guy...
This reminds me of the Aesop's fable: The Scorpion and the Frog. Remember, the scorpion stings the frog's back as the frog is carrying him across the river. Why? Because he's a scorpion. Why is he a scorpion? Why does he attack his precious flotation device? I don't know. Are you a scorpion? No, didn't think so. Well then, not being a scorpion, you would have no idea, would you? Don't you know that scorpions are raised to brood over the historical injustices caused by the frog community? Don't you know that scorpions will gladly martyr themselves, sink to a watery grave, so long as they take a frog with them? Or, maybe the scorpion thinks you're a toad, which makes you sinister to frog and scorpion alike. Are you a scorpion? No. Then, you can't assume a scorpion is smart enough to tell the difference between a frog and a toad. So, that's why we don't judge or make assumptions about scorpions. All we can do, as frogs, is leap away from them rather than invite them onto our backs as we cross rivers. And, that's why Batman doesn't save Ducard from the doomed train. Batman knows he will get stung...
So Aesop, a Greek slave, explained this in the 6th century BC, Aristotle and Plato read it in the 3rd century BC, and today Marvel profits heartily by repeating it to cheering movie goers who make livings drafting up sub prime mortgage loans and encouraging "economic stimulus" plans that our children will pay for long after our death. You have identified the hypocrisy too. You try to expose the scorpions for who they are. You think you have discovered the truth. Right now, to you, I am a scorpion...
Look, I didn't want to kidnap you, and I know you think I've broken some law or something. You "know your rights," and are obviously pleading the 5th, which is fine. I don't want you to talk. Don't bother struggling. You can't get out. The corpse hanging over there is fake. It's just a shock tactic. Don't believe me? Well, believe what you want. I only ask you to do one thing for me. Listen! HA! That, you say, is what got you into trouble in the first place. You listened, you learned too much, and now you think that I am the scorpion, interrogating you for information I don't understand...discoveries of which I could not possibly understand the significance...
I am a fly...a fly on the wall. I've been watching your work for a year. I know that you have designed an unlimited, cheep, clean, easily reproducible energy source. I know that in your pocket is a DVD that can solve the world's energy crisis. And, I know that right now there are people in suits anticipating your presentation on the 102nd floor downtown. I am a fly on their wall too. I know that this corporation is anxious to accept, develop, and sell your proposal.
But, I know something that you don't...
See this? Yes, you already know what this is. This one is based on your plans...a simple, portable fuel cell with a 120 volt outlet. You know it could one day power appliances, microwaves, computers. Congratulations, my boy, you've done it! It lasts months before it needs a recharge. You know that this means cheep, safe, clean energy for millions, and large profits for you, and especially the company that produces it. You know that before long these could be as common as toasters, improving the standard of living for all humanity. I'm sure this gives you a warm feeling in your heart. I know you are not doing it for the money. Well done, Ghandi, you've saved the world now, haven't you?
Well, I have some unfortunate news. Rather than tell you, I'll just show you. Let's see, plug this cord into the outlet and...whoa! Look at that! Yes, through that window is our sub-terrainian test facility. Yes, it's just a big fricking hanger and yes, it's carved out of bedrock. Your device is powering that hovercraft. You know this is possible. You know you have under-designed your fuel cell specifically to prevent this amount of power. And, you have suspected that no one else could possibly figure out the technology required to enhance it. I am afraid I have some bad news. This technology is not new...
I want you to think very carefully about the implications of your invention. I want you to think about the power you are proposing, and the accessibility. While your device will raise the living standard of billions, it will also place unprecedented power directly into the hands of modern-day barbarians, some desperate enough to be terrorists. Look, in order to understand why you have been kidnapped, you need to learn a bit of history...
I guess today is show-and-tell day, isn't it? See this? This is the original Antikythera Mechanism. It was designed and built around 150 BC, and it is basically an analog computer that calculates the position of the sun, moon, stars, and planets. They found a crude copy in a shipwreck off the island of Crete in 1901. Historians oogle over this like it's some key to ancient technological innovation. HA! They are looking at a fake...this, right here, is the original, and it has never left the security of our bunker. A thief stole the original plans and built a copy to offer to Pompey in Rome in around 63 BC. We had to sink that ship en route. We didn't know what other property was on that ship. Rome was simply not ready for that technology. Can you imagine ancient Rome with cannons, or even electricity? Things would have been reeeeal ugly...
I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can...we had electricity in biblical times. We had antibiotics during the Black Plague. We had nuclear power in the Renaissance. We have lived underground, in isolation from the rest of humanity, waiting for the right conditions to reveal all these things. I know that may sound a bit hard to swallow, but look at the unfortunate reality: The population of 100 BC was superstitious and paranoid. A light bulb proved nothing but divine ordinance. There were wars constantly and any threat to authority was violently suppressed. It was a hopeless cause, as fearful rulers sought total control over any technology they didn't understand. They feared that what they could not control would be used against them...sound familiar?
We tried to introduce the safe things, like basic sanitation, but they used lead pipes (against our advice). There was no end to their arrogance. We tried to reveal electricity, but the folks just used it to impress their friends and occupy terrified populations. Back then all you really needed to terrify a nation was a spark. Now, it takes a whole media industry. So, we've made a lot of progress. But, the history books have it all wrong. Real technological advancement wasn't the result of competition between waring nations and conflict...it was the result of our peaceful underground laboratories. We gave the technology to certain individuals who lived in stable societies like ours down below. We entrusted certain individuals who understood it, and who we felt would apply it responsibly. But, the conditions needed to be appropriate...
One big triumph was the United States. We needed a system that respected folks enough so that they could think about things other than revolution. So, as you know, we scattered the powers into three branches and a bunch of states. We didn't actually do it, but we told them how to do it (in our own way). Citizens could finally think about improving their own lives without aristocracy getting in the way too much. The Civil War was discouraging, but indicated that the country was serious about preserving liberty and justice (or that such an argument could be made in hindsight). So, we decided to drop clues about how to build internal combustion engines and distribute electricity. Back then, us flies would just chat about things to scientists, often over beer or cider. We would ramble something incoherent regarding a copper coil, or a curved wing. We found the most subtle hint could do wonders when directed into the right ear.
Anyway, we kind of screwed up. We overestimated a few folks, and so did others. While Americans seemed to be putting the technology to good use, the rest of the world was determined to act like ancient Rome. Paranoia, superstition, and fear caused all these guys to use our generous gifts to start killing each other. The 20th century was ugly. Then, America goes out and fixes things...twice. I wonder how that happened...
We had to reveal a lot to get things settled. The cat was really out of the bag with fission. We hunkered down and prepared for the worst, buried here a few miles underground. We were ashamed of ourselves for intervening as much as we did and figured we better let terrestrial science progress by itself for a while. After all, we have our own sunlight sub-terra...well, a nice big ball of fusion that does the same thing. And, while we would one day enjoy some time up top, we are perfectly happy in our cavern. Basically, the few of us down here are being held under siege, dependent upon our fusion reactor, hydroponic plant life and really good schools...
Which, brings me to our current scenario: You, my friend, are an anomaly. Despite the low pedestal of public education, the lull of mind-numbing television, the distraction of politics, the temptations of wealth, the superstitions of religion, and the yoke of your own pride and ego, you have somehow stumbled upon the truth. You are in a strange spot. Your mind is not yet fit to live free among us. But, for your world, you are way ahead of your time. By leaving you up on the crust I risk putting machine guns in the hands of ancient Roman soldiers.
Here's the thing...what you are proposing, while technologically available, is only morally justifiable in a peaceful society...one capable of using it to enhance life and not destroy it. You show me a nation that minds its own business, with a government that acts in the interest of only all its citizens rather than a select few. If this country can set an example and others follow...well, then, we'll let you go and deliver your unlimited, free, clean, safe energy machine to the billions who need it. People don't start wars...governments do. Until government is in check, we will not repeat the errors of the past...we will not give Nero an air force.
You a probably asking: "what kind of just civilization kidnaps people for unveiling a scientific discovery?" You would be correct in wondering this. In fact, I have done the one thing our community prohibits over anything else...inflicting power over another for his or her own good. But, just as you would not give a child matches and gasoline in a crowded playground, I must not give you freedom...not for the sake of yourself, but for the sake of the people who will be slaughtered in your wake. I restrain you with the same sense of concern felt while considering the disclosure of nuclear fission. With knowledge comes power, and with power comes responsibility. You did not think about the implications of your discovery. You did not consider its true benefit.
Now, you have two options. You can become a fly like me, and observe the crust for other anomalies, encouraging the survival of the species. (It's a difficult job, but you get to use a lot of cool toys.) Or, you can live in our little paradise down here, helping push science to new levels...you have a lot to learn either way. One thing is certain...going back to your old life is not an option. You know too much. None of us orphans can return to our families until civilization has been restored.
Basically, what I am saying is...I'm not going to kill you, and I'm not going to let you unintentionally kill yourself either by walking into that board room and welcoming that scorpion onto your back. Trust me, that would have been ugly. So, you are free to choose...I hope you will choose wisely. You wouldn't like to end up like that guy...
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The Shift
When something extraordinary happens-something that affects all of us in some way-we tend to remember where we were and what we were doing. Maybe we remember where we were going or what we were eating. Maybe we even remember what we were wearing, driving, or what kind of coffee we were brewing. We can assume everyone we know remembers one or more of these things at that specific time, and, since we all have this moment in history securely fastened in our brains, we refer to it as our "collective memory."
I remember where I was the day it happened. I was standing in line at the grocery store with a basket full of pita chips, a container of sliced fruit, and some sushi; unagi, shake, maguro, and a few spring rolls. I had stopped on my way home from work to pick up dinner. It was a day like any other, and I was anxious to get home to watch my favorite show...
The line was taking forever. At first I noticed the cashier seemed a bit too relaxed, and decided to distract myself by perusing the cover of Newsweek. It was more of the same...news on the global economic crisis. "Ug," I thought. As if I needed more bad news. I looked at the other lines. They were just as long, and there were plenty of folks behind me. No escape. I was trapped, a caged animal with raw fish that was not getting any younger and a television program that would not wait for me. I decided it may be time to break down and buy that DVR.
Waiting...
I observed the wall behind the checkout lanes. There were several clocks placed prominently high on the wall at the front of the store. Each was set to display the time in a different city from around the world. It was meant to be stylish, I guess, giving a nod to other distinguished time zones on our planet. They always bothered me...even when I zipped through the place. While the time in Brussels may be pertinent to the Belgian tourist on his way to the airport, to me, it was just another way to complicate the most simple courtesy of clearly displaying the time. I thought about dressing as a clock repair man and setting each clock to local time. I was beginning to have too much time on my hands.
The minutes passed, and I looked up to discover the girl behind the counter swipe the same card again. The old woman in front of me insisted it was valid. Finally, she bristled, pulled another credit card from he purse, and handed it to the young cashier. She swiped and waited, then asked the bag boy to retrieve the manager. Apparently there was something wrong with the machine. I checked my pockets for cash...none. I did have a check book, and looked around for the classic "Sorry, we do not accept checks." Not seeing this, I assumed I could get out of this mess without switching to a different line if the credit card swiper thing was busted in this aisle. I was next in line. I would tough it out...
Finally, the manager approached the cashier, and took her aside. I tried to hear what she said, but it was whispered into her ear. At that moment I suspected something unusual was going on. I looked around. The same folks were standing in all the checkout lanes. It was as if every credit card swiping machine in the store had broken down at once. Some grew restless and ditched their lanes in frustration, hastily walking out the door. Others started complaining, informing us of important facts, such as "we don't have all day." Some just dropped a couple $20s on the conveyor and walked out with their food. I thought about filling out a check and dropping it on the conveyor, but a check isn't quite the same as cash. Besides, I was curious...
Finally, a voice blasted on the store's intercom. "All staff to aisle 5. All staff to aisle 5." This was getting interesting. Now I had to wait to see what was going on. Every store employee was soon gathered in the adjacent aisle. I still couldn't hear what was going on, but there were some concerned expressions. More people were abandoning their efforts and leaving the store. I picked up a copy of Newsweek and began flipping through pages. I decided I was going to purchase my sushi if I had to stand there all night. I figured I may get a discount or a voucher or something for the inconvenience.
One guy yelled: "Hey can those of us with cash get checked out already?" A voice called out from the gathering: "We'll be right with you!"
Suddenly, one of the employees tried to walk away from the crowd. An older gentleman who looked like the manager hurried after her and escorted her back to the group. They all stood there a long time. Then, I noticed what they were doing. They were huddled around an iPhone, watching something.
I looked around and saw that others were also looking at their phones. A chorus of various rings echoed through the store, and before long everyone seemed to be chatting on their phones.
One guy shouted: "Does that TV work?" An employee turned it on. "Channel 11, in 2 minutes."
I looked at the screen and a surreal feeling fell upon me. It was the mysterious pattern of the Emergency Broadcast System. Suddenly, a sense of dread filled my veins and I imagined the possibilities. Had we experienced another terrorist attack? Did a dirty bomb go off somewhere? Even on 911 there was nothing quite like this...the screen was motionless. There was no news coverage or anything but the ominous pattern on every channel. Some folks started complaining about Internet access on their iPhones.
What the hell was happening?
I was startled by the intercom system, which blasted again: "Attention all customers and staff. You are invited to the front of the store to view a message from our President."
Silence...
"The President of the United States."
Well, it looked like a DVR would not have helped after all. The store was eerily quiet as we waited for the announcement. Suddenly, the screen flipped to a scene in what appeared to be the Oval Office. The President was being counciled by some other guy in a suit. The camera zoomed in and he began to speak.
"My fellow citizens, I address you this evening candidly, from a secure location furnished to resemble the Oval Office. As your President I have the solemn task of delivering very unfortunate news. What you are about to hear will sound troubling...it will sound shocking. And, as such, I begin by reminding you that the true test of any nation comes not in times of prosperity, but in times of challenge. History is not shy to remind us that only by staring into the face of tragedy can the power of liberty and justice be fully revealed. We know that when all else has failed us, those unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness remain in defiance of the forces that attempt to destroy them. We hold these truths not because they are convenient, or easily won, but in honor of the men who have died in their defense. We hold onto them because we, the living, accept nothing less for ourselves and our children, and know that individuals of courage will accept the responsibility of defending them again.
Founded to protect these principles our republic has endured persistent attacks aimed at their destruction for the sake of lesser goals. We have faced enemies across oceans and within our government buildings. We have suffered the blight of those who benefit from terror and hysteria, and silently experienced the invisible influences of corruption. We have looked the other way as individuals use our government as a tool to perpetuate crimes our government was instituted to prevent. On behalf of the flag that flies over Washington as a symbol of universal liberty we have watched the wealth of our unborn children grandchildren fuel the short-term goals of investors. We have watched both political parties extort our hard-earned wealth in the form of bailouts that pretend to legitimize pieces of paper that symbolize the effective collaboration of labor and capital. We now understand the hard-learned lesson that a corporation dependent on the unwilling charity of its customers is not just wasteful, but destructive to freedom and opposed to justice. It is equivalent to stealing. Having awakened from the errors of the past, we now walk amongst the ashes and wonder how we have forgotten the lessons learned at so dear a price.
We have sacraficed justice of all to secure wealth for a few. We have sacraficed liberty of all for the sake of security, and to secure wealth for those few. And now, these few ask us to expend more liberty and more justice, while assuring us economic and military security. As long as we trade liberty and justice for the wealth of the few, more will enter the business of extorting this wealth from us all. Left to their devices we will all be slaves, and we will not have the security we so desperately sought, but complete vulnerability to those few willing to protect themselves at our expense.
My fellow Americans, as a result of these crimes, our monetary system has collapsed. The value of our dollar is now less than the paper on which it is printed. I urge you to remain calm. The cause for this is almost a century of systematic violations of principles outlined in our Constitution by private, influential individuals from around the globe. Government personal, through ignorance, blackmail, and willing collaboration with these individuals, is also responsible for this failure. All commerce within our country has been suspended while our economic advisers meet to discuss possible solutions. All military personal stationed overseas have been disbanded, and only a skeleton force remains to protect our borders. All federal government employees have been laid-off, and most federal government departments have been dissolved, including the IRS. All willing have been invited to keep the government functional on a volunteer basis. We are depending on these individuals for basic government services. Please be confident that these actions were taken not to harm our country, but were necessary to ensure its survival. A country that protects the ends of its greatness with the exploitation of the means to that greatness cannot stand. We choose, as a country, to stand, and demand to do so peacefully. Not one human being needs to suffer death as a result of this transition. Indeed, life it its primary purpose. We wage a war on war by choosing not to fight against ourselves, but accepting a dedication to truth, justice, and liberty for all.
A country that departs from the principles that make it great ceases to be a great country. Therefore, now, with sound conscience, I come to you in defense of these principles. I appeal to you, the citizens of the United States, to ask you to be stewards of those ideas we have inherited from our forefathers...those so eloquently written in our constitution. For in these times, our principles must be the last thing we sacrifice, and not the first. If we let go of these things, no amount of effort will secure them in our grasp...
A sophisticated Internet-based trade and barter system will be implemented for access to food and other necessities. You may use this system to trade for your requirements, as the government does not have the resources to facilitate these necessities. No government of the people can compel charity, and therefore our government is depending on your good will and ingenuity.
We, as a nation, have endured great challenges before, beginning with the deadly winter at Valley Forge, continuing through the bitter years of slavery, enduring through a bloody Civil War, suffering two world wars and the Great Depression. In these difficult times you must remember that you are surrounded by individuals of the highest integrity, as you will be counting on them to persevere. Remember that you always have...that your government has always been made of individuals, and that the preservation of our great nation has always and will always rest on the people's shoulders.
I am reminded of the words so eloquently penned by Francis Scott Key: "The rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there." Today we watch that tattered flag illuminated so brightly in defiance of the errors in our recent past. We watch and wonder how a nation so brilliantly conceived could possibly slip from our fingers, and hope that when morning comes, that banner will yet wave for the land of the free and the home of the brave.
God bless you, and God bless the United States of America."
So, that was that. I stole the pita chips and sushi...walked out of the store and got in my car. There were no bread lines and no firearms discharged in the streets. That evening I started my barter account and traded some gas in my mower for some oil with the guy across the street. You know, we were taxed on just about everything we purchased back in those days, and worked 5 months out of the year just to pay the government. Who would have guessed we didn't actually need money after all. Anyway, that's my story of the Shift. I haven't stolen anything since.
I remember where I was the day it happened. I was standing in line at the grocery store with a basket full of pita chips, a container of sliced fruit, and some sushi; unagi, shake, maguro, and a few spring rolls. I had stopped on my way home from work to pick up dinner. It was a day like any other, and I was anxious to get home to watch my favorite show...
The line was taking forever. At first I noticed the cashier seemed a bit too relaxed, and decided to distract myself by perusing the cover of Newsweek. It was more of the same...news on the global economic crisis. "Ug," I thought. As if I needed more bad news. I looked at the other lines. They were just as long, and there were plenty of folks behind me. No escape. I was trapped, a caged animal with raw fish that was not getting any younger and a television program that would not wait for me. I decided it may be time to break down and buy that DVR.
Waiting...
I observed the wall behind the checkout lanes. There were several clocks placed prominently high on the wall at the front of the store. Each was set to display the time in a different city from around the world. It was meant to be stylish, I guess, giving a nod to other distinguished time zones on our planet. They always bothered me...even when I zipped through the place. While the time in Brussels may be pertinent to the Belgian tourist on his way to the airport, to me, it was just another way to complicate the most simple courtesy of clearly displaying the time. I thought about dressing as a clock repair man and setting each clock to local time. I was beginning to have too much time on my hands.
The minutes passed, and I looked up to discover the girl behind the counter swipe the same card again. The old woman in front of me insisted it was valid. Finally, she bristled, pulled another credit card from he purse, and handed it to the young cashier. She swiped and waited, then asked the bag boy to retrieve the manager. Apparently there was something wrong with the machine. I checked my pockets for cash...none. I did have a check book, and looked around for the classic "Sorry, we do not accept checks." Not seeing this, I assumed I could get out of this mess without switching to a different line if the credit card swiper thing was busted in this aisle. I was next in line. I would tough it out...
Finally, the manager approached the cashier, and took her aside. I tried to hear what she said, but it was whispered into her ear. At that moment I suspected something unusual was going on. I looked around. The same folks were standing in all the checkout lanes. It was as if every credit card swiping machine in the store had broken down at once. Some grew restless and ditched their lanes in frustration, hastily walking out the door. Others started complaining, informing us of important facts, such as "we don't have all day." Some just dropped a couple $20s on the conveyor and walked out with their food. I thought about filling out a check and dropping it on the conveyor, but a check isn't quite the same as cash. Besides, I was curious...
Finally, a voice blasted on the store's intercom. "All staff to aisle 5. All staff to aisle 5." This was getting interesting. Now I had to wait to see what was going on. Every store employee was soon gathered in the adjacent aisle. I still couldn't hear what was going on, but there were some concerned expressions. More people were abandoning their efforts and leaving the store. I picked up a copy of Newsweek and began flipping through pages. I decided I was going to purchase my sushi if I had to stand there all night. I figured I may get a discount or a voucher or something for the inconvenience.
One guy yelled: "Hey can those of us with cash get checked out already?" A voice called out from the gathering: "We'll be right with you!"
Suddenly, one of the employees tried to walk away from the crowd. An older gentleman who looked like the manager hurried after her and escorted her back to the group. They all stood there a long time. Then, I noticed what they were doing. They were huddled around an iPhone, watching something.
I looked around and saw that others were also looking at their phones. A chorus of various rings echoed through the store, and before long everyone seemed to be chatting on their phones.
One guy shouted: "Does that TV work?" An employee turned it on. "Channel 11, in 2 minutes."
I looked at the screen and a surreal feeling fell upon me. It was the mysterious pattern of the Emergency Broadcast System. Suddenly, a sense of dread filled my veins and I imagined the possibilities. Had we experienced another terrorist attack? Did a dirty bomb go off somewhere? Even on 911 there was nothing quite like this...the screen was motionless. There was no news coverage or anything but the ominous pattern on every channel. Some folks started complaining about Internet access on their iPhones.
What the hell was happening?
I was startled by the intercom system, which blasted again: "Attention all customers and staff. You are invited to the front of the store to view a message from our President."
Silence...
"The President of the United States."
Well, it looked like a DVR would not have helped after all. The store was eerily quiet as we waited for the announcement. Suddenly, the screen flipped to a scene in what appeared to be the Oval Office. The President was being counciled by some other guy in a suit. The camera zoomed in and he began to speak.
"My fellow citizens, I address you this evening candidly, from a secure location furnished to resemble the Oval Office. As your President I have the solemn task of delivering very unfortunate news. What you are about to hear will sound troubling...it will sound shocking. And, as such, I begin by reminding you that the true test of any nation comes not in times of prosperity, but in times of challenge. History is not shy to remind us that only by staring into the face of tragedy can the power of liberty and justice be fully revealed. We know that when all else has failed us, those unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness remain in defiance of the forces that attempt to destroy them. We hold these truths not because they are convenient, or easily won, but in honor of the men who have died in their defense. We hold onto them because we, the living, accept nothing less for ourselves and our children, and know that individuals of courage will accept the responsibility of defending them again.
Founded to protect these principles our republic has endured persistent attacks aimed at their destruction for the sake of lesser goals. We have faced enemies across oceans and within our government buildings. We have suffered the blight of those who benefit from terror and hysteria, and silently experienced the invisible influences of corruption. We have looked the other way as individuals use our government as a tool to perpetuate crimes our government was instituted to prevent. On behalf of the flag that flies over Washington as a symbol of universal liberty we have watched the wealth of our unborn children grandchildren fuel the short-term goals of investors. We have watched both political parties extort our hard-earned wealth in the form of bailouts that pretend to legitimize pieces of paper that symbolize the effective collaboration of labor and capital. We now understand the hard-learned lesson that a corporation dependent on the unwilling charity of its customers is not just wasteful, but destructive to freedom and opposed to justice. It is equivalent to stealing. Having awakened from the errors of the past, we now walk amongst the ashes and wonder how we have forgotten the lessons learned at so dear a price.
We have sacraficed justice of all to secure wealth for a few. We have sacraficed liberty of all for the sake of security, and to secure wealth for those few. And now, these few ask us to expend more liberty and more justice, while assuring us economic and military security. As long as we trade liberty and justice for the wealth of the few, more will enter the business of extorting this wealth from us all. Left to their devices we will all be slaves, and we will not have the security we so desperately sought, but complete vulnerability to those few willing to protect themselves at our expense.
My fellow Americans, as a result of these crimes, our monetary system has collapsed. The value of our dollar is now less than the paper on which it is printed. I urge you to remain calm. The cause for this is almost a century of systematic violations of principles outlined in our Constitution by private, influential individuals from around the globe. Government personal, through ignorance, blackmail, and willing collaboration with these individuals, is also responsible for this failure. All commerce within our country has been suspended while our economic advisers meet to discuss possible solutions. All military personal stationed overseas have been disbanded, and only a skeleton force remains to protect our borders. All federal government employees have been laid-off, and most federal government departments have been dissolved, including the IRS. All willing have been invited to keep the government functional on a volunteer basis. We are depending on these individuals for basic government services. Please be confident that these actions were taken not to harm our country, but were necessary to ensure its survival. A country that protects the ends of its greatness with the exploitation of the means to that greatness cannot stand. We choose, as a country, to stand, and demand to do so peacefully. Not one human being needs to suffer death as a result of this transition. Indeed, life it its primary purpose. We wage a war on war by choosing not to fight against ourselves, but accepting a dedication to truth, justice, and liberty for all.
A country that departs from the principles that make it great ceases to be a great country. Therefore, now, with sound conscience, I come to you in defense of these principles. I appeal to you, the citizens of the United States, to ask you to be stewards of those ideas we have inherited from our forefathers...those so eloquently written in our constitution. For in these times, our principles must be the last thing we sacrifice, and not the first. If we let go of these things, no amount of effort will secure them in our grasp...
A sophisticated Internet-based trade and barter system will be implemented for access to food and other necessities. You may use this system to trade for your requirements, as the government does not have the resources to facilitate these necessities. No government of the people can compel charity, and therefore our government is depending on your good will and ingenuity.
We, as a nation, have endured great challenges before, beginning with the deadly winter at Valley Forge, continuing through the bitter years of slavery, enduring through a bloody Civil War, suffering two world wars and the Great Depression. In these difficult times you must remember that you are surrounded by individuals of the highest integrity, as you will be counting on them to persevere. Remember that you always have...that your government has always been made of individuals, and that the preservation of our great nation has always and will always rest on the people's shoulders.
I am reminded of the words so eloquently penned by Francis Scott Key: "The rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there." Today we watch that tattered flag illuminated so brightly in defiance of the errors in our recent past. We watch and wonder how a nation so brilliantly conceived could possibly slip from our fingers, and hope that when morning comes, that banner will yet wave for the land of the free and the home of the brave.
God bless you, and God bless the United States of America."
So, that was that. I stole the pita chips and sushi...walked out of the store and got in my car. There were no bread lines and no firearms discharged in the streets. That evening I started my barter account and traded some gas in my mower for some oil with the guy across the street. You know, we were taxed on just about everything we purchased back in those days, and worked 5 months out of the year just to pay the government. Who would have guessed we didn't actually need money after all. Anyway, that's my story of the Shift. I haven't stolen anything since.
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