The Button

Just to be clear, we put a big red button in the middle of town square. We called it "The Button." Oh sure, anyone is free to press the button at any time, but people generally keep their distance.

You see, if anyone touches the button a three billion megaton device will detonate, which will end all intelligent life replacing it with a few radiation-resistant species such as the resilient cockroach. Soon our humble community would start to resemble yours up there in the overworld, but I digress.

Pressing the button means mutually assured destruction. That means that the presser of the button will be killed instantly, as well as every other human being. This is a concept few in our community are capable of misunderstanding.

Of course, to approach the button, you need to hop through a short obstacle course and complete a series of sudoku puzzles, which are trivial in difficulty. These small tests ensure that anyone who actually approaches the button has the intelligence and mental awareness to understand the importance of not pressing it. In this place anyone with a brain has the power to destroy massive numbers of people anonymously anyway, so we thought we'd just bring it out in the open. It's sort of a statement about our society here in the underground. It reminds each of us of our own importance.

I know this all sounds a bit reckless, but it works rather well. It basically allows us avoid the whole mess that comes along with a complicated judicial system. Everyone knows that virtually everyone else could press the button if they wanted to. It keeps us honest.

We have one rule...don't be evil. Don't do anything that makes another desire to press the button. If someone you know is depressed, you should probably see what's the matter before they decide they are going to snuff it and take the world along with them. But, this hasn't been much of a problem. For some reason, the responsibility that comes along with the power to easily slaughter humanity puts things in perspective for people. It sort of asks us to take responsibility for each other.

In fact, seldom do we even consider the possibility that anyone would actually press the button. We are far too busy enjoying our relatively tranquil life down here. Things are pretty good for some reason.

I will admit that is is always important to ask ourselves...when I make this business deal, will anyone be driven to the point they want to press the button? If so, maybe I shouldn't be doing it.

Down here you can do pretty much anything you want. Just remember, there might be someone ready to snap and press the button. If you are mowing your lawn at 10 pm, you might be that guy. Just think...if you were about to snap, and someone was mowing their lawn at 10 pm, could you lose it enough to want to press the button? Just a thought experiment. Just don't press the button, and don't persuade another that it is reasonable to press the button. But enough of all the negatives...persuading people not to press the button is also a fun passtime, even if the button didn't exist.

There are many things one can do to help assure that no one would even consider pressing the button. In fact, there is a large section of stuff you can do that works toward not even requiring a button to exist at all. For example, you can have a job if you want one. Down here a lot of people decide not to work, but if you have a skill, and want to contribute to something, a job can't hurt...it's not for me, but I can see why people do it. I spend most of my time drinking beer, playing asshole, and not pressing the button. It's a full-time job itself.

So, anyway, that concludes your tour of the button. There is it. Go press it if you like.