Zen and the Art of Viking's Football Fandom

One thing is certain, and that is that nothing is certain. But, if anything was, it would probably be the inevitability of aging. Time will continue, physicists say, so long as mass exists in the universe. Mass is expected to remain for quite some time. This means very good things for those of us who appreciate consistency. It also means we will grow old and eventually die.

This seems unfortunate.

But it really isn't. Hear me out. We tend to lump life experiences into two categories:

• Good
• Bad
  

Now, this doesn't mean that every one of our experiences was either good or bad by some past definition. It certainly doesn't even mean that a good experience felt, looked, or smelled good. In fact, a "good" experience might have been a horrific and terrifying experience, like watching the Vike's final playoff game in 98. "Good" or "bad," we remember all of our experiences. (At least, we remember those which we remember, and that, to us, is all of them). And, regardless of their "goodness" or "badness" status at the time they occurred, immediately after their conclusion they all have one thing in common.

They all become "good."

Why? Because at the present time, (yes, right now) every memory is either an example of something to be repeated/enhanced or an example of something to be avoided/reduced. In other words, no experience we live through can ever be "bad" so long as we live through it. Once it has happened, we are able to learn from it and adjust our future thinking or behavior accordingly. We are capable of using the accumulation of all our experiences to compress more value and good judgment into every present decision. This means there is potentially quite a lot to look forward to, and little reason to fear the most disastrous misfortunes, as they tend to come in most handy.

It's important to also remember that a past experience has multiple interpretations and usages in later decisions. For example, since I could not have changed the trajectory of Gary Anderson's missed field goal, I must not pretend that my actions had any impact on my subsequent disappointment. However, I must evaluate the value of all those hours watching football all season...all that time hoping for a Viking's super bowl appearance...all those dramatic Sunday afternoons. I come to realize that I would have done better off doing something, anything, that could possibly have improved my chances of success in some matter...some matter in which I do have some control. Yet, even spending all that time staring at a wall would have been better. It would have saved me from the agony of that moment...that sinking terror now ingrained in the fatalistic psyche of every respectable Minnesotan's cerebral cortex. I would be, in a way, more whole.

But, yes, even this tragedy is now "good."

The 98 season is good because it taught me so much. It demonstrated much more than just "don't expect the Vike's to make it...ever." (Every Minnesota football fan knows that.) Rather, it taught me the value of staking my hopes and dreams on something, anything, I can control. It taught me that the definition of "good" is not what is agreeable. It is rather the degree to which I act, then fail miserably...crashing and burning in a blaze of mediocrity, ugliness, or whatever...so long as I can learn from my mistakes.

Therefore, I no longer watch the Vike's in vain. I do so with purpose. I watch them simply to exercise my ability to detach myself from the drama completely. I accept that since I did nothing to cause their eventual success or failure, I must not expend any of my precious passion or interest on the results of their training and preparation. I must focus on that which I can control, which happens to be my complete disinterest as I observe, dispassionately, a silly ball bouncing back and forth upon a grassy field.

Come January, at the very worst, I will not care at all, and have succeeded. At the very best, I will be dead, and all my problems will be solved.

In any case, when they choke, I will seriously not be pissed.

Seriously.